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livluvlaf
Newbie
Joined: 10 Jul 2002
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2002 6:14 am Post subject: |
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I am going thru a certain HELL, by finding out just how low my husband went, and lied about it ALL the way, It wasn't enough to have an affair with a very immoral, uneducated and just nasty woman, BUT since her husband worked for my husband, NOW that husband is suing me for getting him fired, WHICH I DIDN'T, I didn't even find out the totallity of his infidelity until after he fired this man, and then we went to a marriage seminar, which convicted my husband to confess, but still not totally, then I found out more in a month, then more info the next month, changing the whole aspect of what kind of a relationship he had with her, originally it was just an inappropriate phone relationship, then he finally admitted to sex, but then admitted to meeting with her in parking lots to "make out", and she was so available, to call him to meet, and even would get her husband to call him to go over and eat, BUT once he had sex with her, he stopped seeing her, he said he knew it was wrong then...ALSO he was disgusted by her body, being very skinny he never thought it would be stretch marked filled, and untone. I have always taken good care of myself, and TRUSTED him with every part of me, Now I find that the man who I gave myself to 100%, did the unspeakable, out of the blue, and without a true ''need" for anything, because I always tried to be whatever he wanted, he would complain and I would be upset, but try to accomodate him since he worked so hard. I am hurt, to say the least by now I face these people in depositions, and even with all their lies, my lawyer says they still do not have a case, but we must spend all this money and go thru this to defend me from there accusations. I just want to be away from this selfish monster that I find myself married to, we are seeking marriage counseling with a great christian counselor, but I am disgusted by my husband, and he still doesn't even seem repentant, he seems sorry that he got caught with such a low life woman, but in truth they were the perfect couple.
We have 4 homeschooled children, and I AM their only security, I also know I will have to be linked with this man because of the children, what do I do? |
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Anthony
Full Member
Joined: 14 Jun 2002
Posts: 84
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| Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2002 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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You started at a good place - prayer
Prayer grounds us, and refocuses out attention toward him, clearing our minds of the static of life.
Sin is never pretty nor surgical in how it plays out and who it affects. And in a marriage the sin of one spouse can consume the other. There are so many emotions to deal with, thoughts go wild, and the desire to react is always there.
This group can provide support and suggestions on where to go to seek help. But advise, no matter how good, is dangerous when one does not know the people and where they are with themselves and the Lord.
One thing, don't let his sin, make you less of a Christian.
In your anger do not sin . . . and do not give the devil a foothold. |
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SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2170
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2002 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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Everything you are feeling, every ounce of anger, every moment of disgust you have is understandable. You are allowed to feel it.
Please know that through it all God has not left you. He knows everthing that saddens you and longs to comfort you. He feels your aloneness and hurt. Let Him draw you close and hold and hug you. Lean on Him and remember, He is in control no matter how "out of control" you feel. He will take you through all of this.
I am so glad to hear you are seeing a good Christian counselor. Continue to go, even if it is just for you. Sometimes you may want to go alone, without your husband. That is OK if you are not currently doing that.
A broken trust takes a great deal of time to heal. It seems you are willing to do what you can to save your marriage. I commend you for that, even though it is not easy. Know our hearts and prayers are with you in GT Community.
Before you are even out of bed each morning and have fully opened your eyes tell the Lord - "Today belongs to you Lord - help me through it, help me to forgive, help me to heal." Please know you are loved and cared for. |
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Janine
Veteran
Joined: 08 May 2002
Posts: 360
Location: South Louisiana
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| Posted: Thu Jul 11, 2002 9:51 am Post subject: |
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If the "other woman" would have sex with your husband, she would with other men, too. If your husband would have sex with the OW, then he would with other women, too.
In a way, when one person has intercourse with another person, then each of them has also had sex with everyone the other has had sex with, and everyone they have ever had sex with, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
That is, the chain of connection for the potential for catching deadly and painful diseases is like a gigantic web or net --- or chain mail. Or a barbed-wire fence. The lines of connection stretch out forever and they cut and destroy everyone entangled in them.
At this point in your life, livluvlaf, you are truly the stable one, the support of your children, and you need to do the prudent things and the good-steward-of-your-body things to keep yourself healthy for them. Eat right, get the best sleep you can, and please get yourself tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Only God knows if you could convince your husband to be tested, but it would be part of the "accountability package" he needs to present to you to help trust grow again, so he oughta be tested.
If it wasn't your company to run or your human resources department to run, then the reason the man was fired is whatever reason that's written in his file. Don't worry about the outcome, and let prayer and good Christian friends get you through the stress of the process.
I can't believe it seemed important to your husband to share with you how he didn't like the OW's body. It couldn't matter less how she looked or how he felt about it. It also couldn't matter less whether you look like a goddess or a goat. If how she looked, or how he thought she would look, tempted him, it was his business to flee Satan by running away from the temptation before it became sin through him concentrating on it and focusing on it and dwelling on it... If he sees 12 gorgeous available slutty women in his front yard every day, and you meanwhile have degenerated into a lumpy Pillsbury Dough Girl with bad breath and a bigger beard than Santa Claus, it does not matter! He is not helpless against an individual act of sin! There is no "justification" for an affair. Is your husband a whining 2-year-old who does not understand that he cannot have his sandbox-neighbor's cookie?
He devastated your feelings with his betrayal, he tore up your marriage covenant by defiling your marriage bed and by thumbing his nose at God. Neither how other people look nor how cooperative you try to be in bed have anything to do with the honorable promise your husband made to you, to God and to the world... which he threw away like a used Kleenex as soon as he had feelings and lusts to distract him from his decision to love you and your children.
(I said 'decision to love', because the feelings of love fluctuate. The framework of the commitment to love is the stable permanent surface that the feelings of love can grow and mature and re-flower upon...)
You will hopefully be in a position to forgive and rebuild soon. But, if you cannot get admissions and realizations from your husband of how he betrayed you, how he voluntarily took into himself the weapon of the Enemy, and then he carried the weapon home and used it on his family with his own hand, so to speak... if he lightly glosses over what he has done, then you will have no way to know if he has truly repented or not, and you will have a terrible time rebuilding trust.
May God help you, may God love you, may His angels work overtime around your house, your family, your children, you... and your husband. For all in this mess who have the Holy Spirit in them, may they hear Him as He points to the Father. In Jesus' name I ask it, because He is our elder brother, "firstborn of many", and He taught us that You care for us, blessed Father.
Amen? |
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GIC
Full Member
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 102
Location: IL.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 23, 2002 6:46 am Post subject: |
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I have to agree with Anthony on this one, start with prayer and a good connection with a trusted councelor or friend.
| Quote: | | Don't let his sin make you less of a Christian |
This is easier said than done. PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!!
your character and integrity is your light. Don't be consumed by his wrong doings, watch your tongue.
Eph. 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for the building up of others, so it will benifit those who listen.
I will pray for you today, please rest in His Love.
Growing in Christ, Patty |
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