Husband's Fantasy Life... 16 Years of Torture

CandyAnn · Newbie Joined: 30 Nov 2006 Posts: 5

I am still in desperate need of your prayers in a bad way. After hashing this thing over again for the umpteenth time, he hadn’t even brought this up for several months now. I had hoped that it was finally over, then all of a sudden he’s back at it again. This is literally driving me crazy. He still doesn’t get it at all. He honestly acts as if I’m the problem here and not his own sinful actions. He gets really angry at me when I refuse to do the detestable things he wants. Two weeks ago when he started in again, he barely spoke to me for three days straight and yet he had the gall to demand relations each of those three days and nearly every day since then. I want to scream!!!

I’m an avid reader of good Christian books, fiction as well as non-fiction. In trying to justify his behavior, he actually likened his fantasy life to my reading of fictional books. This is only one example of the head games he plays with me, when trying to justify his behavior. I could list many, but I won’t.

I DO NOT want a divorce, but if I had any guts at all I would tell him he’d better get his head on straight or get out until he does. I just feel like this nightmare is never going to end and I don’t know what to do. Except for this prayer board, not a living soul has a clue about what has been going on for the past 16 years. Don’t get me wrong, I know that God gives me strength or I couldn’t have endured this, but I feel so helpless and alone.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have lifted you and your marriage up in prayer this afternoon and will continue to do so.

It's time to make an appointment with a sexual addiction therapist. A marriage therapist is not the answer. If you don't, then the chance that you will break and walk away from this marriage are very high. You will no longer be able to endure this lack of love and respect - it's a choice you have to make.

It's time to get some help for this, for yourself, even if your husband will not go. You will be able to think clearly, set boundaries and expectations and get his attention. He has to understand how this is creating a spiritual, relational and emotional wedge in your marriage. If one area of your marriage is broken, it causes the others to be broken too.

Here's some great questions regarding the possibility of sexual addiction that you may want to discuss with your husband.
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How many of these questions can you or a loved one answer "yes" to?

1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?

2. Have you regularly purchased sexually explicit material or viewed online pornography?

3. Are you often preoccupied with sexual thoughts?

4. Does your spouse/SO ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?

5. Can you stop your sexual behavior when you know it's inappropriate?

6. Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behavior?

7. Has this behavior ever created problems for you or your family?

8. Do you worry about people finding out about this behavior?

9. Has this behavior ever emotionally hurt someone?

10. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual activity?

11. Do you feel depressed after having sex?

12. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?

13. Do you frequently want to get away from a sexual partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?

14. Do you lose your sense of identity or meaning in life without sex or a love relationship?

15. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual development?

Karelina9 · Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 8:46 am Post subject:

praying for you. I like the list that SAM wrote out for you. I hope you are able to come and read it. It sounds ot me that you are in a abusive sitch and need some help. I have been there myself. I feel for you right. praying that you are able to seek some live, close by, help.

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