Husband involved in on-line porn

Kaite · Newbie Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 2

My husband and I both Christians and active in our church and other ministries. I thought we were very happy together and blessed with a wonderful marriage. Last week I found out (while using his lap-top) that my husband has been viewing porn on-line. I am devastated and feel so betrayed. When I confronted him, he admitted he had a problem and was so ashamed but didn't know how to stop. We prayed, prayed and prayed again and finally God showed me this is spiritual warfare and that Satan is trying to destroy both our marriage and our ministry for God. We have decided to stay together, to pray together, and to make this thing go away. While I have forgiven my husband and he is looking for a counselor, I still am so hurt and disappointed by his actions. I need prayer to be able to continue to be strong and to learn to trust him again and he needs prayer to beat this addiction.

daveprays · Newbie Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Ohio

If your husband has not done so already, he needs men he can be accountable with. There are support groups for alcoholics and drug addicts and now some for porn addicts. He needs to connect with men who have conquered this habit and can reach 24/7 when he is struggling. There is strength in knowing that others have been through the same battle and are praying for you. Secular counselors do not really see pornography as a problem so it is also vital to seek Christian counseling.
Praying for you two.

sdk · Newbie Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 3

Kaite,

I normally do not even respond to these posts but I saw yours and was troubled. I am not minimizing your personal pain - I have no right, but I was astonished to see your words in response to this porn use by your husband. You said in your post, "...we decided to stay together..." Would you really end your marriage over porn use? Surely while bad and hurtful to you, this could not be a relationship threatening item. If he is willing to try to quit this he should be forgiven. Get counseling for your pain and to help him get away from it. Help him. Love him and stay with him. It is very simple: men like porn, even Christian men. By the way, I do not promote its use for many reasons.
The reason for my astonishment is this: My wife just ended a nearly year-long sexual affair with a person she worked with. This was bad. It effected [u]every[/u] aspect of our lives - kids, family, friends, financial (she quit her job), my work, nearly ended our marriage, and nearly cost my wife her life due to a nearly-successful suicide attempt over guilt. This animal and his cronies are still (after 4 months) trying to cantact her and sending me discouraging mail in order to shake me into end our marriage. I forgave my wife, we are getting counseling, we have renewed our faith in God, and are truly building our love over again.
I hope you can see my point. As people have said to me, "Your situation could have been worse." My wife could have left me. My wife could have, and nearly did, die. There could have been STDs or HIV/AIDS invovled in our story. There could have been some sort of violence. And on and on into one's imagination. I am saying the same to you. Your husband could have taken his desires out of your house so to speak, but didn't. Again, not to minimize your pain, if you feel it it is real to you, we are all different but... Let go of your pain over this, let it sail past on this river of events that flows through our lives and get back to living. Life is short. Seek Godly council and talk it out. I will say a prayer for you. God bless.

klbjorge · Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 7:06 pm Post subject: My heart goes out to you!!!!

My heart goes out to you and your husband. What you are embarking on is a long, teadious, and very rewarding addiction recovery process.

I feel your hurt, pain, betral, and frustration. Three and a half years ago, my husband also confronted me and told me about his sexual addiction. This hurt me deeply!!! I had always known something was going on (through 2 years of dating and 7 years of marriage), but he would never admit to it. He also never physically had an affair, but mentally and emotionally retreated to his "fantasy world". As Christains we are called to keep our hearts, minds and bodies for God and our spouses. When he realized this, his shame was unsermountable.

He sought counseling and then found a recovery group through a church in our area. I also found a recovery group for wives (Hidden Hurt)-realted to my husband's group (For Men Only). I highly recommend seeking counseling and a recovery group for yourself!!!! I don't know how I would handle some of the really hard times without knowing other women have been there and dealt with the same things you are dealing with and feeling. He has been attending his Men's group for a steady 3 years and has been very true to himself, me and most importantly God. Also, something the men learn is accountability. This has been huge for my husband since he never was held accountable, he has learned how. I have felt like leaving our marriage, but with prayer and listeing to God I have been given the strength to endure, which you will receive also Wink

. The only way through this addiction is prayer and letting God take control of everything!!

Our marriage has never been stonger, but still very teadious. It's ironic how God brings our husbands to their knees and to truly cleave to us in times of need. My husband has discovered a new respect for myself and women in general. Also, that men do not need porn!! Porn clutters, distracts and allows Satan to manipulate our lives, marriages, and relationships.

I am very happy to hear that you are staying by your husband's side. I know many women that have been so betrayed and abandoned by their husband's porn use that the only way they could gain control over their situation and family is to leave the marriage. The previous post said "Would you really end your marriage over porn use? Surely while bad and hurtful to you, this could not be a realtionship threatening item." My answer (generally speaking) is yes! What is not understood is the damage porn does physiologically. This is not just a casual thing, this is an addiction. Your husband wanted to get caught-part of the addictive nature. Thank God he did, and now you can both move forward, re-build your relationship and trust in each other again.

My husband and I will pray for both of you. This is not an easy thing to go through, but with God's grace, strength and comfort you will see it through.

God Bless-
Karen

Kaite · Newbie Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 2

Karen - Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. This is a daily struggle for us both. We have not found support groups yet as we live outside of the USA and in a nation where Christianity is not prominent. Please continue to pray for our recovery and also that we will be able to locate a Christian support group for us both. My husband and I will also keep you in our prayers. God Bless.

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