Growthtrac Community

So my husband has made the decision that he wants to move on, and get a divorce. I was really devastated when he told me that, and I am working towards accepting the reality. I just don't know how to continue to follow God's plans at this point. Do I just honor my husband's wishes, and work on this divorce? I don't know what else I can really do. My husband had an emotional affair almost a year ago, and insists that he put her aside, but could never promise me that he won't be with her. In fact, to this point, he can not, and will not promise me such a thing. I do not know what the Godly thing to do at this point is. Can I still love my husband, and honor him?

I have been doing some study in the Old Testament for an upcoming Bible study called quilting with the Women of the Bible. Each week for 52 weeks we are going to study one woman of the Bible and then dedicate a block in a quilt to her. We are working from a book written by Amy Spangler and a set of study materials and quilt patterns by Carol Honderich.

It is amazing the number of women set aside by their husbands and still blessed by God for their faithfulness to God's plan. Many of the women we will be working with this year are the original desperate housewives.

Take Leah...her father tricked Jacob into marrying her, so their marriage was on rocky ground from the beginning. He didn't love her the way he loved Rachel. He worked an additional seven years to get together with her sister. She bore him son after son and still he failed to truly see her worth. Yet through Leah was Jesus lineage to come, through her son Judah (Genesis 29).

Remember that God's values are not always reflected in the values of men. Follow God as closely as you can and he will take care of the man.

Can I still love my husband, and honor him?

Of course you can - why not?

I know he has ripped your heart out and caused you deep pain, our natural reponse is to be angry and to even out the playing field and return the pain. Being angry is OK. How you repond to it is another matter. Telling him your marriage was a promise. Tell him you meant until death do you part, not until I'm not happy, or not until I don't feel in love, etc. Your choice is to still love him anyway in the midst of his choice to do otherwise. The issues that you have brought into this marriage, will not go away in another. He has a devoted wife now who loves God and wants to love her husband.

He has made a choice, the papers are not filed, you can make a decision to protest this and wait - it doesn't mean you have to go along for the ride, lay down and roll over.

If he can't make you a promise that he will never see this other woman again or have contact with her - I think that says a lot.

I hope you can pick up the book Every Heart Restored by Stephen Arterburn.

I agree, the fact that he couldn't make me that promise, says a lot. I know that God has to change his heart about it, not me. I pray that the Lord will work in both their hearts. It's been a long time since they've had contact, but I know the desire is still in his heart to contact her. I pray that the Lord will reveal His truth to both of them. And I pray that the Lord will reveal the truth to my husband, before we continues down that path. I have made a promise not to reach out to him, or speak badly of him. I hope to be able to keep that up, and I know with the Lord's help, I can. I have also made a promise not to mention the other woman. She is who she is, and only God can cleanse their hearts of the wrong they have done.

Oh I how feel your pain. First and formost, get the book written by Ed Wheat, M.D. titled "Love Life For Every Married Couple." Or he has one titled " Staying in Love for a Lifetime." This one is 3 of his books in one which includes " Love Life for Every Married Couple." So everyone has a book for you to read, right. I have read 10 plus books in the last 6 months. Frantically searching for answers or the one thing that will save this marriage. This book has a chapter titled " How to Save your marriage alone." I haven't saved mine yet but I haven't recieved divorce papers yet either. THey have been on there way since October. This book has helped me so much. It is teaching me about agape love and how to save this marriage based on the etermal truths of scripture. Whatever you do, don't give up. My husband has had an affair he may still be having it, he may be divorcing me for her. I am not sure at this point. I am not asking any questions either. The Lord knows all about it and Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work for good to those who love GOd. So I am am submitting to God's will by loving my husband back to out marriage. He is in charge, remember that always. God doesn't have problems he has plans. He is in control of everything, everyone. Our steps
are ordered by him. God grace is sufficient for you and for me. Trust Him and Obey his every command, you won't be sorry. He hates divorce, if you whole heartedly do your part and seek God and his Kingdom all things will be added unto you. His promises are very clear. Ask anything in his name and he will do it. I am not Bible Scholar don't claim to be I just believe that He is faithful if we are faithful to Him. I hope this helps you. As we obey him he gives us more peace and more grace to make it through just one more day.

thanks for your words. I have left things as they are, too. But I guess there are some things that I do have to take care of, and one thing is selling the house. He was a bit undecided abuot the timing on that, but has since agreed that before the end of the year is a good time frame, so we both can move and begin to rebuild our lives. I have left it all up to God at this point. I have tried all I can, and I can only trust that He has good plans for me.

Sweetie, I think you missed my point. YOU can save your marriage. Are there any papers filed yet?

He was a bit undecided abuot the timing on that, but has since agreed that before the end of the year is a good time frame, so we both can move and begin to rebuild our lives.

Pray about this decision. I would be hesitant to make the first move on this. If he's undecided - let him be undecided. He's waiting for you to make the first move about the finality of your marriage - let this rest in his lap, not yours.

Thanks. I haven't made a move, and I was just reacting to his decisions. He was set that he wanted to sell the house, but he was waiting on the timing. So long as we haven't sold the house, I will continue to live there, and I guess that is why i thought selling the house before the end of the yr would be good. But since this week, I have just let him do what he needs to do. No papers have been filed yet, and I have left it in his court to take care of that. If this is what he wants, then he will have to move forward with it.

Amen, no papers. That is my daily prayer for you and for me. Like Sam said do not do anything that would make it look like you are moving forward with a decision to divorce. You need to be still and know that God is in charge. Love him and love him more. The way I do it is act as if he is Jesus himself. Sounds corny, I am sure. But as long as I look at him and see innocense I am able to love him. Don't look at him funny, don't let him think that you are mad at him or you disapprove. Do not act on anything until you have papers in your hands. If that day comes tehn you will have to ask God how to move forward. I myself am submitting to whatever he asks for. Be it the kids, the house, the cars. Whatever he thinks he needs to make himself happy I will let go of. KNOWING that God is in charge and these papers will mean nothing unles God allows them to be final. I am basing this decision on the verse that says to submit to your husband in ALL things. GOD IS GOOD. He will be faithful to the faithful. What do you think about getting that book I mentioned? Are you in church? Oh sweetie. I wish you the best. If I can be of any help let me know,. You can call me or I will call you. My heart goes out to you and I know that this victory can be had if you only believe and submit yourself to loving your husband like the scriptures teach us to do.

My wife did the same thing the day after Christmas. For the next two weeks I was literally insane with panic. I had never had the emotional training to deal with this and I was closed off from her. Since then I have lost 65 pounds, joined a men's group at church, rallied a group of strong christian friends to support me through this ordeal, and prepared myself for a life change either good or bad. I will not leave or do anything that gives the impression of giving up on our marraige. We are in counselling, I am going to doctors and counselors for other issues and am studying every bit of info I can find for fortify myself for the future. I have shocked my wife at my resilience and willing for move forward.

DO NOT GIVE UP FOR ONE MINUTE! You and you alone need to work on yourself first and then give it up to God to handle the rest. I live by the saying "Just do the next right thing." Do those right thngs every minute and watch God change hearts.

I feel your pain and desparation. Dedicate yourself to God and yourself. He will get you through this. Rally your troops to fight off Satan's influence.

We are with you in prayer.