Having hard time dealing with singleness

miztiny1 · Newbie Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 4

Hi,

I just came upon this site. I am currently a single 36 year old woman. For the past week or so (after I found out my brother met a wonderful woman) I have been so angry and sad and mostly angry at GOD. I just don't understand why so many people around me are having their prayers answered whether it is in reference to finding a mate, having a child anything. I have been praying for YEARS for a husband. I am not the stay at home type of person, I am a very outgoing and genuinely good woman. I just read an article on this site regarding dating and how we should not just stay home waiting for God to send someone. But I don't know what else to do. Any interest I have had in a man of late has not been recipricated, nothing has panned out. I have been on Eharmony as a way to let my interest known, again nothing. Its terribly fustrating. I cry all the time. I try to keep positive about the whole thing, but I am very afraid that I will not get married and have children.

I understand that I am not to just wait, but I pray for direction and I just feel that my request is falling on deaf ears. Any prayers or advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't enjoy feeling this way, but I really desire a family and husband of my own. And to make matters worse (I think) i recently switched careers and I am now a full time medical student, with really NO time to date.

Thank you.

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 307 Location: In Prayer

Hi and welcome. I'm fairly new here and really love this place.

So sorry to hear and can understand your frustration. Waiting on God is the hardest thing to do. His timing has everything to do with your finding a mate. There really are no easy answers for you - sometimes God wants people to have mates and sometimes he doesn't. Not all of the disciples were married and some even said it was better not to marry in order to be committed to God's work.

Consider praying very, very specifically. Write down in a journal what you want in a mate from personality, to eye color, to hair color, to height, to his family, to what he does for work, to his interests and hobbies, to what he likes to eat, to his maturity in Christ and so on. I've found by being as specific as I can in my prayers, God loves to answer the tiniest details. So, if you write it down to remember what you've prayed, just watch what God does.

If you really want to find a quality Christian mate, I've heard Matchwise.com has a bit more stringent criteria for finding someone grounded in Christ than eHarmony, Christian Singles and the Cafe.

Do you have some great trusted Christian friends? Many times they are a great source for finding dates.

miztiny1 · Newbie Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 4

Thanks Babycakes for your advice. I will write the specific items down. I remember someone telling me I shouldn't do that, not be too specific but I will try your way.

As for friends, I've tried that route but to no avail. Like I said I am just really fustrated, I feel like I've tried everything and I don't understand why I would have this strong desire in heart if I was not meant to have a husband and family.

Again thanks!

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 307 Location: In Prayer

We can all have a really strong desire in our hearts for something in our lives and feel like God genuinely wants to provide that for us. And... I believe He does want to give us the desire of our hearts. His timing is everything. It's like we want it when we want it and God has other plans which say wait, and we become frustrated and disappointed with Him and go before Him. I know in my life when I have done that, it usually doesn't work out quite like I wanted it to. Reason being, I wasn't willing to wait for the best plan that God had for me.

miztiny1 · Newbie Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 4

Thanks Babycakes (and by the way I love your name)!!

I totally agree and it makes sense because I can remember the consequences (and they weren't good) when I stepped out of GOD's will and went about things my own way. I guess that for most of my life whenever I truly wanted something, whether it was a job or a home or whatever, it came to me without much struggle. I think this is really the first time in a very long time I've had to really wait on something I truly desired.

Please pray that I will get over this because its a terrible feeling and I am usually a very upbeat and personable woman.

Thanks again for your advice and GOD Bless!!

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 307 Location: In Prayer

You're welcome. God will bring you what you desire in ways you won't believe! Stay in touch. I let you in on a little secret - my husband calls me Babycakes Very Happy

darna · Newbie Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 3 Location: Dubai

well, i been through the single problem. I just married at the age of 33. Before I met my husband, I have never been touched, never been kissed! that means i never experienced having a boyfriend until I was 32.
Being single is a problem and no boyfriend since birth is like a curse.
I had never been to a " boyfriend" relationship because the guys I liked didn't like me and the guys who attracted to me, I never liked!. It's really mismatched! So i decided to stay "single forever".
Then, emotinal desire came, this desire is to have a husband. I talked to God if He really wanted me to stay single, then He had to remove my desire. If not, then He had to find me a mate... I talked to my christian friends ( girls ), about my desires or feelings. We ended up having a Bible Study on " Love Stories on the Bible". Wow, I never thought the Bible has lots of principles on love, marriage and finding the right mate.
I began to review and apply those principles in my life. I tried my best to Trust God and Obey Him day by day becuase He is the Ultimate matchmaker. As i began to grow in trust and obedience, I discovered the selfishness or how self-centeredness I was!... As I repent, the Lord changed my heart and heal my wounds!
As I was busy working on " to be God wants me to be and to do God wants me to do", then my husband found me.
My husband has never been to any relationship with girls, he is just like me- " never been touched, never been kissed!" ( no girlfriends ).I could not believe that there are guys who never had a girlfriend until they met their wives.
Now we are married and I am 100% sure that my husband was made for me or was made for my husband. As i looked back, my husband and I have christian parents. Our christian parents prayed hard that we meet the right partner and stay virgin until our wedding day. That's the reason, we could not be into "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship. And I never enter into a relationship until I made a vow to remain virgin until my wedding day.
Well, the Lord had protected us from lots of pain and heartaches on marriage life by preserving us and removing the selfishness and self-centeredness in our lives.
Now, I can say that truly God is the ultimate matchmaker!

Be strong in the Lord!

YOUR TIME WILL COME SOON!

miztiny1 · Newbie Joined: 13 May 2006 Posts: 4

Thank you Darna for you very inspirational story. God Bless you and your husband!! : Razz

Liza001 · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2006 Posts: 4

miztiny1,

I can completely relate to the frustration of waiting for an answer to manifest. I have sometimes felt the same that God must have forgotten about me. But I stumbled across this truth, that sometimes we are waiting on God's timing but other times God is waiting on us.

I have found that the lag time between praying in faith and seeing my answer show up had nothing to do with God, but the enemy fighting me, or my faith was low, or I had doubt I didn't want to deal with it.

God wants you to be married more than you desire to be, so it isn't God who is keeping this from you. But God can't move without faith. Here is a simple little test to determine if you are really believing God or just hoping that you will receive your mate.

And that is to ask yourself:

"Do I believe I received my husband even when there is no sense-realm evidence that proves it?"

If you can answer yes to that question, you are in faith and your answer is on it's way. If you have hesitation, you might want to consider strengthening your faith in this area.

If you have strong faith and your answer hasn't appeared within a reasonable amount of time there may be other factors delaying its manifestation. And if you ask Him, your Heavenly Father will surely show you what's holding it up

Liza001
http://FindingGodsWill.com

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