Encouragement/Miracle/Heart-Broken

A1 · Newbie Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Chicago, IL

My husband is leaving me. He continues to be dedicated to our son who is 21 months old. I found out in March of 2007 that my husband has had a sexual addiction for all of our married life and some, if not the majority of our courtship.

We met when we were 18 and 19 years old. We are now 31 and 32. He is seeking help for his addiction and in my heart I know he made a mistake and I can forgive him. On top of his addiction he befriended a co-worker. He friendship has grown into something that is inappropriate.

I am a woman of my word. I made my vows and hold sacred the commitment I made to my husband.

He is choosing a life that allows him to be independent and able to seek a relationship with this other woman.

I love this man. I feel like my feet are in two different places. My heart wants to work on our marriage that he left and my head has to follow the process of the divorce. Legally, I am running out of time, but in my heart, I feel that it is never too late. We have our first four way conference scheduled for this Friday, January 18th. If we reach a settlement, the courts have assigned a status check of February 13th. My marriage could be over in one month.

I believe that my husband loves me deep down even though he says he doesn't and that the best thing he can do is divorce me.

I continue to be a wife. I do laundry and I make dinners when I know the three of us will be home. I do the bills and upkeep the house.

He knows that I love him. He doesn't even know where his wedding ring is.

Is there anyone out there who is walking in my shoes? Are there spouses out there who have left? How did you feel? Do you regret some of your deciscion making now? What could your spouse have said or done that would have made you change your mind?

I asked him to say the Rosary with me tonight - something we used to do all of the time - and he said no.

How do I bring God back to the center of our very frail marriage? How do I help let the light of the Lord's love shine in my husband's heart?

greenwidow · Full Member Joined: 14 Aug 2006 Posts: 112

First of all, our prayers are with you. This is the toughest place that a loving spouse could find themselves.

Unfortunately, you could be right and your frail marriage could be over. God is the only one that can touch this man's heart. Pray without ceasing. Jesus said, in Matthew 16, "19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be[a] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[b] loosed in heaven." It is true. Ask several people to pray with you over your family. If you don't want to reveal the specifics, then don't, but ask several people to be faithful in their prayers for your family.

If your husband proclaims to be Christian, then he knows that everything that he is doing is against God's plan for marriage and family. He will not feel comfortable doing anything that even slightly reminds him of God's plan. He is in rebellion. You must pray for God to put a burden on his soul to confront this guilt and resolve it. The only way he resolves it is to come into obedience with God.

Remember that God's plan calls for love to be patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13) God waited for you to come to him and you must also be a model of his Grace.

God wants you to have what you deserve. His plan might be different than yours. I don't think that God ever wants divorce, but Jesus did specifically restate the acceptable causes for divorce during his mission here on Earth, therefore he did consider it worthy of discussion. Matthew 19:8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." If you have not committed adultery then your husband has no grounds for divorce in the eyes of God.

While usually a discussion prior to marriage, 2 Corinthians 6:13-15 tells us that we are to be bound to believers. 14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial[a]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

yellowrose · Newbie Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 1

I am also in the same situation and I know my husband wants out but i still don't want to give up on my marrage. I don't know if there is someone eles this time but there has been in the past. I do know for the past two years he has been letting me know that he wants out but wants me to file the papers. I choose to let him do that because I have no ground for the divorce. I do think it is better that I take my children a go to my parents,to avoide all the figting and bad vibes. thank you for bveing open and letting us know that we are not alone. I will be praying for god to be your comforter as he is mind

psalms 27 · Newbie Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

GOOD EVENING
I am in the same situation. mine started in august when my husband of 13 years had an affair with a "freind" at work. we seperated at his wanting to. he took a traveling job to ALASKA, we live in FLORIDA. after a few weeks i went there to be with him, and work on US. after 2 weeks there i accidently opened his e-mail and read mail from the girl. That was in Nov, in Dec i asked him if he was still talking to the girl, he told me that he did not want to loose her friendship. we had a very heated argument, that became phisical. i left Alaska, am in Florida.I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE.
I am standing for changed hearts,minds,relationships. THE GOD I serve is a GOD of MIRACLES!!!!!

psalms 27 · Newbie Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO LOOK UP EVERY SCRIPTURE ON MARRIAGE,READ ,PRAY FAST. GOD WILL CHANGE YOU,AND YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE. MARK 10:8-9

A1 · Newbie Joined: 17 Oct 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Chicago, IL

Thank you to all who have responded. I am praying more and have been looking up and reading all of the passages that have brought comfort to you all.

We are in mediation. My son is my focus. He is only 2 years old.

I am reading the "The Power of a Praying Wife." I am praying for the Lord to help me find forgiveness and to open my husband's eyes, ears and heart to the Lord.

In the meantime, we are developing a parenting agreement for our son that will allow him the best of a split family.

When the day comes and he asks why Mommy and Daddy don't live in the same house, I have decided that I am going to tell him that mommy and daddy love him so much that we needed two homes to help hold all of that love.

I continue to keep on keepin' on and praying that the Lord will change my husband's heart and that he will want to give us a second chance.

I have come to terms that it takes the both of us and everyday I am growing stronger that the Lord's Purpose and Will will be revealed. I know the Lord loves both myself and my husband and I pray that he will be merciful to both of us.

ladyt · Full Member Joined: 23 Mar 2008 Posts: 174

Hello A1,

Just checking in to see how things are. Have not seen you post. I am praying for all marriages today that are in turmoil.

Its difficult to understand when both calim to be believers and love the Lord.

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

schapman1 · Newbie Joined: 23 May 2008 Posts: 14

my marriage is also in turmoil though ours is not due to an affair. just alot of problems that could have been circumvented had we followed the Lord andhis will in our marriage. We are have already been in mediation. we have a 5 year old and an 8 year old with adhd. I admit i have made tons of mistakes as a husband and as a parent but eally want to work this marriage and family situation out. I'm very weary of all the legal stuff and just want the opportunity for us to get into marriage therapy and save this family. I know Gods' will for marriage and am reading The Power of a Praying Husband. the prayers in the book i pray have often brought tears to my eyes as i pray. Please keep my familyin prayer.
I pray for God to soften my wifes heart and remove all confusion an doubt placed on her by the enemy.
and i pray formy children, they are the ones who suffer the most from a broken home.
I pray for all who are going through mariiage turmoil as well. it does seem to take its toll on ones emotions, and body wnd wounds the spirit.
we must pray fro healing and a spirit of forgiveness.

schapman1 · Newbie Joined: 23 May 2008 Posts: 14

Just went through Custody/visitation mediation a couple of weeks ago. the visit and mediation went well till the end with my wife wanting sole custody and me wanting joint custody. she wasn't going to change her mind no mater what i did to try to convince her, so the mediator made ita partial agreement with custody/decision making to be decided by the court. y wife and i had begun communicating after months of deafening silence then with this she began to retreat again, i prayed and decided to be unselfish and step out in faith, i gave her custody. as with any court order it can be changed later. but i felt i really needed to do this. it was One of teh hardest decisions i've ever made in my life. Because of teh legal proceedings involving the seperation her attorney will try to petiotion teh court for post seperation support then a decision on alimony-My attorney and even hers admits she won't recieve either becaus she has worked the whole time we've been married and after child support i don't have much left to try and live on. Even that is not whats important.
What is important to me is that my wife agree to try and work on our marriage it will be beter forthe children and for us as we honor the vows we took before God and witnesses.I of course long to be a better Daddy to my two boys and a better Husband to my Wife. A man after God's own Heart.So i continue to pray for restoration and reconciliation.I also pray for God to soften and tenderize my Wifes heart and to send Christians across her path to encourage her to work on the marriage.I of course appreciate all who will pray for us as well.

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