Deciding on a Family Church

Alicia · Joined: 06 Nov 2007 Posts: 0

My fiance & I are currently planning our wedding but still have a pretty big question to answer: what church will we belong to when we are married & have a family? I am a member of the catholic church while my fiance attends a non-denominational christian church. We both appear to be content with attending each other's churches currently without actually becoming a member of the other's church. However, once we have children, we are afraid that by attending multiple churches, we will only confuse them & have them question their faith as well as ours. I personally believe that my future wife & I could handle this problem, but, my fiance feels it would be better if we decided on one church to belong too. The problem is that we both love our current churches, which both of our respective families attend, & do not want to become members of the other's church. It has come to the point where we both feel like separating since we can't seem to find peace in trying to find a middle road. However, we both love one another & we would hate to ruin a potentially great marriage over one obstacle, albeit a big obstacle. Any thoughts or comments on how this issue can be resolved would be greatly appreciated.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1862 Location: Chicago

It's a common problem for many couples -

rdsmith3 · Full Member Joined: 04 Oct 2006 Posts: 274 Location: NJ

It's great that you are addressing this issue before you are getting married and before you have kids. Sam makes excellent points above.

My wife and I faced a similar decision when we got married in 2003 (second marriage for both of us). I was raised Catholic and had been going to a Catholic church with my kids. She was going to a non-denominational evangelical church with her two kids.

I decided to start going to her church because I did not think it would work out for us to go to two separate churches. It would reinforce a natural split in a blended family. It was not a decision I made lightly, and I thought about it and prayed about it for months before I felt peace with God. I believe it was the correct decision for us, for a number of reasons. First, it meant that we worshiped God together as a family, we were involved together in fellowship with other members, and we were involved together in church activities. Second, a husband is called to be the spiritual leader of the family, and I had to set the right direction in this area. Third, my wife had made a number of compromises in other areas, and I could not insist on getting my way in everything. So I started going to an unfamiliar church, and I had to see for myself if there was anything "un-Christian" about it. Again, after thought, prayer, testing the doctrine, and a good dose of wisdom from the Holy Spirit, I believed I was making the right choice.

We have since left that church and are now going to "our" church, and we are very glad that we made that choice together. So I think that Sam's advice is really important -- you should pick your own church, that will be your new family's church, that is separate from the ones you went to in the past. You should not be concerned with what your family thinks. You should make the best choice for how your new family can worship and glorify God. (My Catholic mother still does not get it, but so be it.)

As for the issue of which Christian denomination, I can offer my perspective, but please take it as just that. I am not telling you what you should do -- I am just explaining my growth as a Christian.

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools for 16 years. I went to church on Sundays, but I would not say that God was an intimate part of my life, and certainly not the most important part of my life. I regret that my life was that way, but it was. I would also have told you that Jesus was our savior and He died for our sins.

In the past few years, I have grown to believe that Jesus is my savior, and he died for my sins. This has made a profound difference in my life. I want to always improve my relationship with my Savior, so I have a burning desire to learn more about Him and to read His word. I realize that my sins are personal offenses against Him. I realize that I do not need an intermediary (priest, bishop, or pope) to have this relationship. I surrender myself to the Lord, and I personally ask Him for help in time of need. That is why I now go to an evangelical Christian church, and not to a Catholic church.

Again, I am not criticizing the Catholic faith, and I sincerely believe that many Catholics are true Christians will be rewarded in heaven.

Please carefully consider this important decision.

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