Christian Confessionals? - Small Group Accountablity Trap?

Anthony · Full Member Joined: 14 Jun 2002 Posts: 84

PR 27:17
As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another.

Should men and/or woman confess their sins in a group? Should confession be a central theme of a small group? Should group members attempt to draw out and/or encourage people to share their sins with the group?

webacus · Posted: Tue Sep 17, 2002 12:48 pm Post subject:

Anthony.. Another great question...

I don't think group confession is necessary and might even be ill-advised in some group settings.

However, I have participated in groups where accountability was a core value and confession was a good thing. I think for that to work, you need a mature, trusting group. From my experience, either a one-on-one or a men's or women's group provides the right environment for accountability.

I believe that kind of accountability can help a person overcome difficult sin patterns and provide loving support.

Janine · Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2002 7:03 am Post subject:

Just as we aren't supposed to waste our pearls by throwing them before swine, I believe we aren't supposed to let on that we are sometimes swine unless we are pretty sure the audience is basically a bunch of pearls! : Wink

:

What I mean is, it is a good thing to confess our sin one to another, but it's non-productive and sometimes damaging or dangerous to just blab out every detail of your sin-struggle in any old setting.

The right setting makes a world of difference.

Another dangerous factor is, what about groups, whether labeled "accountability groups" or not, where what's really happening is some sort of slavish kowtowing to a charismatic leader? A situation where the members find themselves giving up autonomy in the Lord to follow a molder of their every thought? That's bad.

lionhearted · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Oregon City

I believe accountability is very important. I know that I try to appear all-together and as if I have no problems when I am attending church or while I am at work. However, it is very important for me to have a couple of times each month were I can be real. It is important to me to belong to a group were each of us feel safe enough that we can share what is really going on in our lives and know that the other members will pray with us and help us through what ever we are struggling with. Very Happy

webacus · Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2002 10:37 am Post subject:

Lionheart... Well said.

And, welcome to Growthtrac.

lionhearted · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Oregon City

I was thinking about this ???
and my best accountability group is my family. The more open and transparent I am with them the more intimacy we share. Smile

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Quote:

my best accountability group is my family

This is also one of the safest. But the accountability groups I was talking about was those small groups which are extension of the a church.

Also I agree with Jannie, all small groups have a combination of borned leaders and/or talkers who end up directing the flow or directions of topics. The chemistry and personality of the leaders and talkers determines the openness or the lack there of.

Problems arise when there is an imbalance of people who are on fire, versus those who are more passive. Also a lot of sins have been classified and rationalized by people to the point that many don't bring up or confess sins in a group setting because they just become "debate material".

What I have experienced is men who have shared heavy stuff in a hap hazard sort of way. Waiting to the last minute of the meeting, or mentioning something in a "by the way I have something" sort of statement. Also the reaction of the listeners who scrabble to react with Bible verses, concepts, and doctrine is also something else which needs to be considered.

Booty · Newbie Joined: 14 Sep 2002 Posts: 3

There is but one response when someone confesses their sins before you, "I forgive you".

If that is the response being given, then confession before a small group can be very cleansing and healing for the sinner and the group.

If not, do not attempt it.

webacus · Posted: Wed Sep 18, 2002 1:15 pm Post subject:

Booty. First welcome! Lot's of new people around here.

I agree with forgiveness, but couldn't accountability also be an expectation of the group?

For example, what if a group member admits to a porn addiction or a sexual relationship outside of marriage? Shouldn't there be some dialog beyond, "I forgive you"?

... Not sure if we should take you literally. Smile

lionhearted · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Oregon City

Webacus makes a great point. My wife and I are attempting to restore our marriage. She had an inappropriate relationship with a Pastor at our Church who was also her boss at the Church's Christian School. They have both publicly repented, he before the Church and she before the staff and faculty of the school. They have both stepped down from their positions and they both show the fruits of repentance. Now what my family needs is a core group of friends to surround us and build us back up, to encourage and pray with us. :inlove: This is very hard for today’s Church.

Booty said it well.

Quote:

There is but one response when someone confesses their sins before you, "I forgive you".

If that is the response being given, then confession before a small group can be very cleansing and healing for the sinner and the group.

If not, do not attempt it.

:O
Unfortunately, people in today’s church are dealing with many hurts and unhealed emotions and many of these people believe they need time before they can forgive. This is what they believe they need time to reflect, pray and heal. I don't agree with them and wish they all had the same Biblical Revelation that Booty has but this has not been my family’s experience.

We found that it is necessary to recruit a group of people to stand with us through this. That due to the american lifestyle people just don't appear out of no were like we would hope.
: Wink

:

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Once in a great while people big falls, i.e. a sin that envolves and hurts many many people. The accountability aspect of a groups is a continous process of holding one another in check, against the Bible's teachings.

Getting the hand nod, that you got it(forgiveness) is only part of the process, there is also truly repenting and the go and sin no more part. In my men's group the question that is often asked when someone shares a "stumble" is"

You being a Christian, what was your thought process before, during and after you stumbled?

Was God ever in the equation? Or does he only come to do clean-up?

lionhearted · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Oregon City

I can not answer for my wife or the other man. I believe however, that as Christians the Spirit of God resides inside of us. God has also given us a will. We make choices. We should continually set our will to do His will. However, for what ever reason as humans we fall short of this standard and for a season ignor what we know the Spirit is telling us and go our own way. This is sin. God nudges us and tries to get us to turn from this and the more we ignore him the higher he turns up the heat. His goal is for us to hear His voice and turn from the path of unrighteousness and seek His path. God never leaves us. We however, make choices not to listen to Him. He however never leaves the equation and is always there waiting for us to call out for Him. Then when we call out he is there.

What I am now going through with my wife is a process of purification. Because of the choices that were made things have been set into motion which have become trails.
1 Peter 1:6-8

Quote:

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,

The small group comes in as a tool that God uses to insure that we are built up and able to endure the trails and that we have the team of people who support us as we endure the trails. As we tell them what we are going through they are able to encourage us, give us words of wisdom or at times correct us when we are allowing bitterness to seep in.

Davep states

Quote:

Getting the hand nod, that you got it(forgiveness) is only part of the process, there is also truly repenting and the go and sin no more part. In my men's group the question that is often asked when someone shares a "stumble" is"

You being a Christian, what was your thought process before, during and after you stumbled?

Was God ever in the equation? Or does he only come to do clean-up?

This is a tough question to have asked to you and it is one that can cause the person who is being asked to feel like he is no longer saved. I would be very careful when this happens and insure that the person who has just made the confession does not feel like he is being shuned by the group. What the repented brother wants more then anything at this time is to know that he is loved and accepted even though he has fallen. What I feel he needs is to know that his group is there to support him and to restore him.

Gal 6:1

Quote:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted

Luke 17:3-4

Quote:

So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Quote:

However, for what ever reason as humans we fall short .

Quote:

the more we ignore him

Why? If you don't know the reasons, than you'll continue to sin.

If you always do, what you have always done, you will always get, what you have got -->same sin

Before accepting Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, we are at a lost to improve our situation.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! - 2 CO 5:15

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. - EPH 4:23

Unless you look before you leap, you will continue repeat the same sins. God needs to be with you at all times, not just when you are stuck in a hole. In an accountablity group, having to explain in some fashion, where was God in your thought process is the start of correcting the problem. Asking and receiving forgiveness is only one part, if you don't understand what was the process of your sin, what is going to be different next time? In a small group, this can be a big challenge to not just forgive, but also to challenge them to be a full time new creation.

Paul talks about putting on the new self. We need to keep the new self on at all times. The new self is not a winter jacket that we remove for the summer. When we sin, it is because we have taken off the new self.

lionhearted · Newbie Joined: 12 Sep 2002 Posts: 10 Location: Oregon City

Davep I see your point. I think Jesus said it well when he said in Mark 9:50

Quote:

"Salt is good; but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another

Paul told the believers in Romans 14:19

Quote:

So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding (edification and development) of one another. AMP

The aim of our small group should be to challenge each other and insure that we are helping each other grow and not to be stuck in habits or patterns that causes sin to continue in each of our lives. Members of the group must help the group member who has confessed sin to see what their thought processes were and then confess them as sin and turn away from them forever. This can be uncomfortable and even confrontational but if it is done by the Christian who has taken the time to soak himself in God's presence and as Jesus said has salt in himself can make a dramatic difference in the other person. As this is done it must be done in a spirit of love and mercy. As confession is made and repentance is walked out each member of the group should be responsible to pray for the individual that he or she will hind God's grace and be restored.

Grace · Full Member Joined: 24 May 2001 Posts: 90 Location: IL.

small groups are human too. We can expect to much out of them. Welcome, booty.

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