Growthtrac Community

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:39 pm Post subject: Cheating husband

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I recently found out my husband has cheated on me with four diffrent women. One of them he had casual sex with 5 times and two others weere just a one night stand he picked up at a bar and the last one was a prostitue he had sex with this past Dec. I am so devestated.... I have always been there for him sexually and he has been far away from God for a long time. ... He finally came clean after hiding this for about 18 monthes.... I knew he was struggling with a porn addiction I was trying to help him over come but I had no idea it was this bad. It hurts so bad becuase the fist gilr he cheated on me with was married and had a child to. He was away at a miliitary training for four months but I packed our two kids in the care evry other weekend to go see him and I had no idea we sleot in the same bed... I feel so sick and sad... I never seen this coming.... The relationsip between the nhe said was just an arrangement ot have sex... But he said the lat two times they were togther she said she loved him:( he said he loved me?????????? and she cried .... and he sais that was the last time they spoke. The other two he picked up at a bar were where we live now >>> and the prostitue right down the road from our home. one of the girls he did not tell he was married and he took off his ring... I have cried so much... I am glad I know now...He cam clean after I asked to pray for him about his lying and hiding the porn and as I was praying he said his back started to burn and he started feeling weird and he said God keot telling him to tell me but he was scared to.. after we were done praying I felt I needed to ask him if he cheated on me and that is where he said yes. I was shocked....really shocked... He was deployed for 16 monthes and I never thought about cheating on him... andthe really hard thing is when he did cheat on me I was able to see him and I did and he was doing it when i would go back home with the kids not when he was deployed ...... He says he is going ot change and he has been praying and he called our pastor for counsoling he says he did not realize what he was doing and how it would affect his family. Until now he says and he thinks about what he did it is like it was not him ??????? He said it was like he was living to lives. He says he does love me but as you can imagin it is hard for me to believe ???? anyone been through anything like ????????/I f so please respond and pray .....

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I have been in your shoes. I found out that my ex husband had cheated on me in September, although I had gut feelings that he cheated before I had no proof. Life is very difficult living with a liar. My ex also had a porn addiction. He had it before we were married and while we were married.

He spent money on things we did not need like $ 1000 worth of porn. Plus he is Bipolar. It is a mental illness. The first woman my ex slept with was my Cousin but both deny it, the he tried to sleep with a woman he met on a chat room but had no sucess. The he slpet with this hoe 5 days after we signed our divorce papers. Then he called to brag about it. What a total loser!!!

He quit wearing his wedding ring and it totally crushed me but he did not care. I got tired of him demanding respect because he was the man of the home. I got no respect. He wanted another mother not a wife I told him that don't fly with this chick!!

Then he told me that he owned me I told him last time I checked you don't have a deed to me. I started standing up for myself. I was tired of being treated like dirt.

But the cheating also with the verbal and physical abuse made me realize I deserved better.

If you think that your marriage can survive this put all of your effort into it, but I can tell you one thing once your Husband destroys your trust it is a very hard thing to get back.

I know this first hand.

If you would like more help in this matter please let me know I will help you in any way I can.

Things will get better I promise.

Thanks It has been hard and I am still trying hard >>> This is a very difficult thing to endure becasue I have a past that is to troubled and too long to write down now. It would be a novel .... I am almost six monthes preganact with our little girl now. I found out I was pg after he told me .. I belive ethat was a sig nfrom God for me to stay. I try to belivee good things about myself but sometimes it is easier to belive the bad than the good.

My heart and prayers go out to you, dear friend. I too have experienced a cheating husband. Mine has filed for a divorce. Can I say that I envy the place you sit today. Sounds strange I am sure to a woman whose heart has been ripped out of her chest. There is HOPE for you and your husband. There is HOPE for my husband and I. This HOPE is in our wonderful LORD. He knows all about your troubles and he is right next to you, if you are saved of course. Walking with you, holding you up. Some people might not agree with me, but everything happens for a reason. A better way to put it I think. Is that the there is nothing that happens in your life that the Lord does not allow. By the sounds of things your life has been full of distresses and this is probably the icing on the cake. My life to a tee. SO what now? You can trust in your husband and he will fail you. Or you can trust in your LORD for your husband and see victory. I am not saying don't trust in your husabnd. I am saying trust in your husband through the Lord. Give it all to God. This is a critical time and your action or reactions could make or break this marriage. I recommend this book called "Staying in Love for a Lifetime." It is written by ED WHEAT with Gloria Okes Perkins. This actual book is three of his works in one. I recommend all of it. BUT if you can't get the one big book. Then at least get the one titled, "Love Life for Every Married Couple." It has a chapter on how to save your marriage alone. I know you are saying well I am not alone, he is looking for help and we are working together. This chapter of this book will teach you how you must act and react to hold this thing together. I am sure you might also be saying well everyone has a book to read. I HAVE READ THEM ALL. I have recieved help from most but, this book is the book to read. You must be on bored about being committed 150% even when it seems like he isn't. I am not sure where my marriage will end up. It is my prayer that I am following God's will and his plan on how to be the woman my husband needs me to be and he will bless my family and save this marriage. Papers are filed, I have chose to live in the home until the papers are final. I must be still and remain his wife until the divorce is final. I feel that the Lord has given me my husband who is unsaved as my ministry. Even if at the end of the court proceedings he still follows through with the divorce I am covicted that I am his wife until death do us part. I will not remarry. The bible is very clear about remarriage. Until death do us part. At that point I could remarry but only to a Christian and only if God gives the peace of doing so. I am committed to his salvation. I will treat him with nothing but respect though this process...Oh did I mention that we are still doing everything a married couple would do. I still cook, clean, iron his clothes, serve him as any good wife would do. He has a girlfriend. He is rude most of the time. I am allowing him to live in both worlds temporarily. An adultress women is unstable. He will see that. None of my love is of me. The Lord is the one who must be allowing me the peace and contentment to reamin because the old me wouldhave ran away a long time ago. I am ok, today. I am strong, I am smiling, laughing, living for the Lord at peace. Wow. What a place to be. I remember where I came from and I am so gald that I accepted him as saviour. It is so easy to get caught up in the pain, trust me that is where I started. Once I let go and let God work through me I was a changed person. I pray that you can experience this freedom. Oh yeah and my envy is because you don't have divorce papers hanign over your head. You aren't chargin up all your credit cards to buy gas because your husband gave up. You are in a powerful position. Your marriage could be far greater than it ever has been if you put your faith in God to save your marriage. My heart felt your pain, your shcok, a bewilderment but, it does not feel it anymore. The LORD is faithful. He will never leave you or forsake you! Cry out to him and let him help. He is the only one who can. THere are some other posts of mine on here if you feel like looking at them. They are about a month old or so. I hope this finds you ready to face your race with patience. Prayerfully yours....

Thanks so much for your prayers and words I appreciate them.

I hope you don't mind my posting on here. aprild I know how you are feeling, I have been struggling for a year now to overcome finding out then that my husband cheated on me only 10 mo. after we were married, we have been married now 17 years. Now I live with wondering if there was anymore, or what else he has done over the last 17 years. I don't know how to trust him today. broken2peices post was very encouraging and I was wondering from her how you hear God. I feel like I am not hearing him and what he's telling me or where to go. I feel like I am in a fog all the time. I have so many fears and worries mainly about trusting him, what he's doing or going, if he's checking out females. I know this is satan, but how do I hear him, I pray all the time, I read scripture and I feel ok for a few days before i get hit with things. I was just wondering how you get to where you are. Thanks and sorry I didn't mean to come into your post.

Finding the way--- I feel the same exact way!!! I try not to drive myself crazy worrying but it is hard. I try to trust God it is difficukt sometimes but you have too. I will pray for you as I am praying for myself cause it sounds like we are going through the same thing it is also encouraging knowing you are out there and that you know how I feel ...

It has almost been 1 year since I became divorced. I went through a lot of pain and abuse in the 6 years I was married but I left the marriage because he was commiting adultry on me, it was a biblical divorce. God has brought a man into my life he told each of us as well as 2 other people that he and I would be together for the rest of our lives. We both are in love with each other. We both knows what it feels like to be cheated on and we know by the character that each of us have that we are not going to do that we are 100% commited to each other.

As far as marriage is concerned I want to marry again and I am. We are getting married next year and we could not be more happier. We both trusted that God would bring someone into our lives that we were meant to spend our lives with I can tell you it is a wonderful feeling to have someone truly love you with all their heart and soul.

It is always difficult to start over but look at it this way maybe God is telling you that this is not the man that you are meant to spend your life with and he has someone else out there just for you? I never thought that I could be with anyone else other than my ex husband but I now know different. Just think about what I said.

Thanks aprild, I too am glad I am not the only one experiencing this. It is extremely difficult. The trust issues are very difficult, I seem to analyze EVERYTHING he does and upon doing that I even wonder if maybe I blow things up than they really are and causing more problems. The insecurities are horrible feelings Thanks for letting me post.

sweetness, I am very happy for you and I am glad that is the path that God has chosen for you. Although I know that God allows us to divorce after adultery I do believe that he also hates divorce and looks upon those who work through their problems and make their marriages better. I feel very strongly that God wants us to work out our marriages as long as there is no adultery still going on of course. He cheated 16 yrs. ago. We are committed on making it work, yes I am struggling with trust issues and lots of fears and self esteem issues but I do believe that by the grace of God we will some how get through this. I don't see light yet at the end of the tunnel but we are working on it. I am going to do some individual counseling and I hope that will help.

Boy, it all sounds so famialier. I found letters my husband had kpt copiesof. We have been married 38yrs. The woman he had an affair with was from his past-they had planned on getting married. They were of different faiths-broke up . She went with someone else- came back to him pregant , my husband did not believe it was his-she married other guy. He met me 1yr. Thru the yrs he said he had thought of her and possible son-so around 1989 he called her, he travels alot, she lives in Ariz. so was easy for him. His plan was to ask her if her son was his, but he never did. He has told me very little-most is what I know from letters. He says he put all behind him when it ended-but the last he letter he told he was going to leave me and that she was his first love and they were meant to be. The lettters he wrote to her were beautiful. They went on so many trips-over the years, he said he ended it in 1995. She was from his home town-I beleive in my heart he saw her when she lived in our state. He had a picture of her and her son. I am a Christian and so is he.

First, I am so so sorry for what he did to you. Cheater's never stop. I don't care how much praying they do. They will always cheat.

Another thing, so now he cheated. How in the world can you forgive him and look into his eyes all the time? Trust him when he goes out? Trust him when he goes on the computer?
Once the trust is broken, there is nothing left. I am sure I can find forgiveness in my heart, but I will never forget.

If it was me... I would pray for myself, pray for him... But I could NEVER stay with someone who looked me in the eyes, told me he loved me while making love and know now how he cheated. All the time being a liar and making a fool out of me. Maybe I am wrong and GOD will let me know it... But I could never never never stay with this type of man. With that outrageous lie between us. And then how can he say he still loves me? Sorry.. you are a better woman than I am. You must have the strength of many GODS.

I will pray for you and your children. I hope you can find some peace and understanding in this horrible lie.

I pray the LORD take away your pain and give you peace of mind. I pray all that you are requesting is granted.

Good luck to you
GOD Bless you and your children

Cheater's never stop. I don't care how much praying they do. They will always cheat.

It sounds like you were deeply hurt by someone and are still experiencing the inability to forgive the person who caused you deep pain. Unfortunately, this resounds loudly in your post. I pray that you have been able to process this with some help.

I don't agree with this statement. The redemptive work of Christ is always there for an individual. Someone who is far away from God may very possibly cheat again. Someone who has allowed Christ to work through them can... and will... change.

I have read alot on the sudject. Find I can not get away from thinking adout my husband with another woman. And for so many yrs and someone he was planning on marrying before he met me Its to overwhelming.

Everytime these thoughts enter your head, who do you think is putting them there? It's not the Lord.

Consider praying for them to be released from you. Even if you have to pray it a 100 times a day - Say, "Lord please release me from these thoughts and images." Ask other Christians friends to pray for you as well. I know it works!!

It sounds like you were deeply hurt by someone and are still experiencing the inability to forgive the person who caused you deep pain. Unfortunately, this resounds loudly in your post. I pray that you have been able to process this with some help. quote.. not sure how to do this well.

hi:

Its actually my daughter that is having a problem. Her husband left her 3 times while pregnant

They were together, he gets shipped to Iraq, comes back to marry her, goes back to Iraq, comes home after one year. They get pregnant, he leaves her 3 times during the pregnancy, she had two jobs. He moved in with another woman with 2 kids, moved out of there, had 3 or 4 other girlfriends. Said the baby wasn't his... . baby born..she looks JUST LIKE him.... now baby is 18 months old.. he sees the baby once a week. But lives with a younger girl than my daughter.

He strings her along....tells her one day it could be possible to get back together.... its just a mess. My daughter works 7 days a week to pay her bills and take care of baby. Its just awful...

I was watching the baby up till this week. I need to get ready for school. I also do all their laundry and watch the baby when she has things to do. SO I help her as much as I possibly can.

I think now she has a better head on her shoulders to handle him and his nonsense. But she is not going to give him a divorce at this point.


I am in no position to help her,(financially) I am unemployed and my husband just got a job 4 weeks ago after being unemployed as well.

Thanks for listening..