Called to Stand?

Missing Him · Newbie Joined: 11 Apr 2006 Posts: 13

Hello all. I am so gratefull that God has led me here. I am enjoying reading the prayers and praise reports. Thanks to all of you who post here. It is a great help. I have a question.

My husband is having an affair. This has been going on since October, 2005. He confessed to me in early November and he left saying he's not sure if he wants to be married anymore. We kept in contact the whole time and decided to reconcile. My husband came home in January and told me he was done with the OW. I found out in March that he was lying the whole time. He was living a double life with me and the OW.

We still talk regularly. My husband tells me that he is not seeing her anymore once again. Of course I do not believe him one bit. He tells me that he loves me and wants us to get back together and grow old together and all that stuff but he is just not ready to get help yet. I told him he can't come home until he gets help.

Anyway, from the very beginning I felt called by God to Stand for my marriage. I still want to stand but I have been bombarded with doubt lately. Now I know this is Satan trying to make me give up on my marriage, but sometimes I do wonder if I really was called to stand or if it's just me WANTING to stand. How do you know for sure. I thought I was sure and I can say that I am pretty sure, but like I said, I have been doubting a lot lately. Any advice on how you know for sure? TIA!

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

If your decision brings you peace, it is of God. If a decision brings chaos and heartache, it is not of God.

I am extremely proud of you for not letting your husband come home without marital counseling. In fact, I would seriously consider not letting him back into the home without at least 6 months of counseling under your belts. Please consider not being intimate with him during this time either. The intimacy can mask the issues that need to be dealt with.
He's been untruthful not only once but twice and that is cause for concern and caution.

There is a great book written by James Dobson called Love Must Be Tough. I would highly recommend it as it will bring you strength and resolve to deal with some tough issues and a decision to not be a revolving door for your husband.

You have been given great strength to walk beside this man even in the midst of the pain he has caused in your marriage. I believe God is a God of miracles and restoration. We just have to be willing to step aside and let Him do the work with us instead of charging ahead of Him.

webacus · Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 3:19 pm Post subject:

Welcome

I think your confusion about if you
should continue to "stand" or not,
is based on the your husband not being
trustworthy. You trusted him and he lied-- twice.

I second what SAM said. Time for tough love and
clear boundaries (and counseling).

babycakes · Veteran Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 312 Location: In Prayer

The sign of someone who is truly full of regret for their sinful behavior is someone who expresses deep regret, seeks forgivess, repents and is willing to take whatever steps it takes to bring healing and trust back to the relationship. If he's not willing to enter into counseling yet, he's not ready to give up the other woman.

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