|
|
| Author |
Message |
Akua0
Newbie
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1
|
 Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:03 am Post subject: breaking trust |
 |
|
Hi everyone,
I joined this community out of desperation. I'm 25 years and I got married in april last year, quit my job and moved to the US to join my husband. (we're non americans). technically, we've been together as man and wife for just 8 months. I've noticed that my husband tends to make jokes about other women - such as finding a girlfriend and anytime I tell him to be careful of what he wishes for he backs off saying he was just joking. For me, its not been a joke as I recently realised that I dont trust his fidelity to our marriage at all. We were both christians before we got married and had been so for a long time, since childhood and as such we remained virgins till we married. Now I dont have any confidence in him especially when he's around any of his single female friends. I'm so unhappy I keep wondering whether I married the right man.
Is it right for a married man to make such jokes and am I supposed to laugh at them as well? |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
webacus
Veteran
Joined: 02 Mar 2001
Posts: 612
Location: Behind you.
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
welcome.
| Quote: | | Is it right for a married man to make such jokes and am I supposed to laugh at them as well? |
No, it's not right.
I think what you 'supposed' to do is be angry and tell your
husband that his immature comments are hurtful. Don't let him brush off
your feelings.
If he still doesn't "get it" -- I would suggest counseling. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
doc marten
Newbie
Joined: 04 Apr 2007
Posts: 2
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:28 am Post subject: |
|
|
| He may be making these jokes out of a sense of insecurity. Perhaps he has a deep-down fear that he'll lose you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SAM
Veteran
Joined: 03 Mar 2001
Posts: 2041
Location: Chicago
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 11:38 am Post subject: |
|
|
Your feelings are obviously hurt and his words question your ability to trust him.
Sit down with him face-to-face and hold his hands.
Say the following words -
I need to let you know my feelings are deeply hurt when you make jokes about finding a girlfriend. It destroys my trust in you and the security I need in our marriage.
| Quote: | | I'm so unhappy I keep wondering whether I married the right man. |
There isn't a person out there who hasn't had doubts about their marriage. The thing is - you married the right man. And... you're not discovering he's not as perfect as you thought he was. 
There is a saying I read somewhere - "Marriage is not meant to make us happy, it's meant to make us Holy". Which means becoming more like Christ to each other every day.
Maybe you need him to apologize for this behavior by telling you it was wrong... and you need to work through forgiving him.
We all will say hurtful and stupid things at some time in our marriage. Some more than others. It's important to seriously communicate your feelings when you are hurt - let him know immediately. Don't wait until your anger and resentment build up to overflowing. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
helpmejesus
Newbie
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 7
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 3:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I agree with that sentiment. I am guilty of the occasional unthoughtful comment myself. If a person doesn't know what they say is taken wrong they cannot make ammends or correct the behaviour. The tongue is a double edged sword as the scripture states. I am sure he didn't intend to hurt your feelings, he's just a little insensitive is all. Pray and ask for the strength to speak to him and the words to say and you will be ok. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
