Biblical Marriage Requirements

NewSeeker · Newbie Joined: 24 Oct 2002 Posts: 1

Hello Im new to grothtrac in fact I just joined today. My reason for joining is the current situation that Im being faced with. I have been a born again believer since I was a young child. Though my understanding of the Lord's word was a bit vague during these times I feel he has recently pulled me into place in my life and mind-frame. I believe he has given me the power to make some very significant changes in my life and I thank him everyday for these blessings.

One the most cherished blessings I believe he has provided me with would be my girlfriend who I have been friends with for 3 yrs and had an intimate relationship with for 1 yr. In the process of seeking the Lord for myself I was able to help her also make a decision for Christ recently. She has now been a born again believer for a few months. I try to encourage our relationship with the Lord in every way and I can and feel he is helping us in every way everyday! Its amazing... I never thought I would see the day when we would be joyfully reading through scripture together!

Yet we are faced with a questionable situation. The relationship we have is the closest relationship either of us has ever had or will ever have in our lives. Our love and devotion towards each other is an aspect that is understood, verbalized and shown on a daily basis. We have made the decision beyond a shred of doubt that we are going to spend our lives together. I honestly feel in my heart and mind this is a decision the Lord has lead us to and most definitely the one and only marriage he has intended for us.

So... although we haven't just yet, we are planning on moving in together very soon. Yet we have both discussed and confirmed that the Lord should and is going to be in the forefront of our lives. Thus seeking Biblical principles on marriage was the first aspect we sought. We've both read through the various sections in scripture that deal with marriage and also the interpretation that Pastor Greg Laurie had to offer on Biblical marriage standards of "leaving and cleaving". We both honestly feel that we meet these Biblical standards for marriage.

My question is what *EXACTLY* does Biblical "Marriage" consist of? This is the *ONLY* type of marriage we are concerned with right now. What *exactly* needs to happen for us to be married and blessed under the eyes of the Lord? Is it Biblically necessary to have a wedding/altar ceremony?

I ask this because like I said at this point in our lives the Lord's vision on marriage is all that we are concerned with. The only reason we aren't interested in society's marriage standard (ring/ceremony/honeymoon) at this point is solely based on our monetary limitations.

If anyone could help us out in any way with these questions it would be greatly appreciated!

Thank You

Janine · Posted: Fri Oct 25, 2002 1:00 am Post subject:

What does "intimate" mean?

It will cost less than a good dinner out, to pay for a marriage license & to have a Justice of the Peace, your preacher, or whoever has the legal right in your state, to marry you two.

There are all sorts of angles and human reasonings you can apply to the situation, to convince yourselves to "shack up" together. The law of the land, however, still calls for a marriage, on paper, registered at the courthouse. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, for God's sake, get married!

If you cannot afford the low, low price of the minimal things required: a license and an officiator... then you cannot afford to be married. Don't live together either.

Grow up and save up, and don't shack up, and things will look up!

Davep · Veteran Joined: 02 Apr 2002 Posts: 463

Quote:

So... although we haven't just yet, we are planning on moving in together very soon

Hold the presses :O

The offical Christian position is that if you are not married then you are not to be living together either. This is easy to say if you are married, or you and your spouse where able wait until you were married before living together. Some Pastors will not marry you in their church if you have been living together prior to asking to be married in their church. In the end this something you and your GF will have to decide.

Quote:

My question is what *EXACTLY* does Biblical "Marriage" consist of?

In God's eyes sexual intercouse creates marriage.

Sex is what God deemed to be the marriage. Our "marriage", is the civil ceremony componet. Sex is more binding of the two. God joins man and women together with his recipe for marriage, i.e "sex". We tend to make our marriage ceremony more important then God's process.

Sex is God's method for joining man to women. Sex fuses a man to the women. Also sex is more significant than the civil marriage ceremony.

Read this Growthrac Discussion:
Is Sex before Marriage always out?, Isn't this just one of those Old Laws?

Jujubee · Junior Member Joined: 19 Jun 2002 Posts: 29

WAIT!

As one who has been there I can honestly say that moving in together is a bad idea. When my husband and I moved in together neither of us were living the christian life. Although I had been raised in church all of my life and had become a born again believer early on, I had strayed from those teachings.

My husband and I moved in together and lived with each other for 5 years before we were married by mans law. We used the same excuses that you mentioned. Not enough money, not enough time, we were already married in the eyes of God, why worry? When we finally began to grow in the Lord and put him first in our life and marriage that was my hardest part. To ask forgiveness for living together and having children out of wedlock. I never thought that it would bother me. But it did, and alot. To this day I still fight myself.

Tell me this...someday when you have a daughter. And you want her to be married before she lives with her fiance. What will you say to her when she says to you, "Well you and mom lived together before you were married."? Now before you say that you'll be supportive, remember that this will be your little girl. And her mate may not be your idea of a good match for her. Remember the old saying, Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I think about this question almost daily. (When my daughter wants to move in with someone) I know that one day it may come up, and I pray for God to give me the wisdom to handle it when it does. But please, from someone who has been there and done that. WAIT! Our marriage finally happened in a court house....and it couldn't have been sweeter if we'd had a million dollar wedding. If you love each other, and if God is the head of your relationship...then the where and how won't matter.

Janine · Posted: Sat Oct 26, 2002 3:37 pm Post subject:

Leave it to good ol' Davep to cut to the heart of the matter. :p

The "leaving and cleaving", the "two shall become one flesh" thing.

Whatever is a legally-binding ceremony and/or document of marriage wherever you live is important, vital, a must, because of rendering "unto Caesar what is Caesar's", and because of "avoiding the very appearance of evil".

And don't be firing off incensed private messages to Jujubee re: her "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" comment. It's a true concept, and it applies to much, much more than just sexual intercourse. Although that would be enough for a very valid point by itself.

That concept applies to the whole range of benefits of having your girlfriend. You get the confidante, the cheerleader, the feminine advisor, the assistant, the nurse, the personal shopper, the chauffeur, and all those other people rolled up in one package labeled "Girlfriend".

Suppose you upgrade her to "Fiancee", then. Buddy, even if you feel responsible for her & would pay her medical bills & buy her groceries, you still are nothing to her legally without a marriage license. Can't make an unchallengeable medical decision for her in an emergency, etc.

To gain the benefits of being "Husband", without the marriage license, you'd need to jump through all kinds of legal processes, and get unlimited power of attorney, and do legally-binding things to get her parents & siblings to give you the say-so should she fall ill...

If you haven't got the money to be married, you darn well haven't got the money for the law-firm's-worth of work it would take to give you benefits & rights of marriage without marriage.

If you would take the position of "husband", house-band, the one who protects and seals the household, then you need to be able to protect and provide and guard whoever's in the house. You're jumping into a shark tank wearing a sausage swimsuit if you haven't taken on "husbandhood" complete with all its tools and weapons.

Whom would you offend if you moved in together right now, you two, with a marriage-in-God's-eyes but not a legal one?

You probably wouldn't offend many in society... the world is going to Hell in a handbasket, you know.

Maybe you'd offend a bunch of self-righteous Christians. ???

And maybe you'd give the lost out there (the ones looking so desperately for love in all the wrong places) the impression that the Christian can dispense with any inconvenient little laws that shouldn't be bound on a "real" Christian... Sad

tapper28 · Posted: Sun Oct 27, 2002 11:26 pm Post subject:

Quote:

Grow up and save up, and don't shack up, and things will look up!

Boy, if I had things to do over again, I would definitely heed these words of advice, if no others. Janine has hit the nail... dead on.
You know, it really doesn't even cost a whole lot for a nice wedding, done correctly. When my husband and I got married, we planned it in 3 weeks, and only spent $300... this included EVERYTHING! The trick is... Outlet shopping! My girls, ages 3 and 6 at the time had just been given brand new navy semi-formal dresses... thats the only thing we didnt pay for. My dress was bought at April Cornell, an outlet store, on sale from $420 to $30.... yes, you read that right, its not a typo. Brand new, and beautiful. My shoes were $29. Our rings, also at an outlet, were originally $800 together, bought for $107. Our licence was $60. His suit was also outlet city... for $40, maybe, altogether. My oldest son... $20 at the outlets. The youngest (at the time) wore a tuxedo that was hand made for my oldest at the same age. My father-in-law owns a bakery.... it was the first wedding cake he has EVER given away, twice as big as we had ordered... if we had paid for it, we would have added another $60 to our total bill. His sisters took care of the very light reception afterwards. (We weren't planning on anything actually; this was a nice surprise!) Invitations were by word of mouth only, so that really helped with the cost, too.
Weddings don't HAVE to be $$$$$ to be nice. If you really do believe you are meant to be married, do it right! It will save alot of worries, and shame later on. But most of all, it will make God happy. Very Happy

jhs30 · Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2002 6:55 am Post subject:

Dude,

The statisical evidence of couples cohabiting before marriage suggests that up to 85% divorce. That's a fact. Consider the following with references:

The risk of divorce after living together is 40 to 85% higher than the risk of divorce after not living together. In other words, those who live together before marriage are almost twice as likely to divorce than those who did not live together
(Bumpass & Sweet 1995; Hall & Zhao 1995; Bracher, Santow, Morgan & Russell 1993; DeMaris & Rao 1992 and Glen 1990).

50% to 60% of first time cohabitors marry the person with whom they cohabit. 76% report plans to marry their partner, but a lower percentage actually do so (Brown & Booth 1996 and Bumpass & Sweet 1989).

Cohabiting couples have an 80%+ chance that their relationship will end. (40% breakup before they marry; the other 40% divorce within 10 years of marrying.)

The U.S. Justice Department found that women are 62 times more likely to be assaulted by a live-in boyfriend than by a husband (Colson 1995).

Cohabiting women have rates of depression 3 times higher than married women (National Institute for Mental Health).

Nearly 25% of cohabiting women suffer from neurotic disorders, compared to 15% of married women.

I could go on and on with the statistical evidence. Bottom line is from any perspective, secular or Christian, it is NOT a good thing. If you want God to bless your relationship, you need to give him permission to be the LEADER of your life in ALL areas of your life.

No amount of justification will make it "the right thing to do". Get yourself some good premarital counseling, deal with your issues honestly and then and only then prayerfully consider if marriage is for you with this person.

If you have engaged in sexual intimacy, confess it and set some clear boundaries and start over with the goal of remaining celibate until marriage.

Peace

webacus · Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2002 9:57 am Post subject:

Jhs... good stuff.

tapper28 · Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2002 11:38 am Post subject:

YES>>>> VERY GOOD STUFF!!!! WOW! Never saw the numbers before now. They are mind boggling!

danielle · Full Member Joined: 19 Apr 2002 Posts: 232

I agree 100% with the others---WAIT! God is definitely not in favor of shacking up. He says to "avoid even the appearance of evil" and not to defile the marriage bed.

I've also heard of those same stats. I wonder why this is?????

egg · Newbie Joined: 10 Apr 2007 Posts: 1

SO to get a clear answer on this.My gf and i want to get married in GODs eyes but dont wish to be married legally yet as she can't get married before she does her service to the government,so my question of all of this is how can we marry ourselves so that in GOD's eyes we are married and therefore if we have sex wont be punished??We have been together(not sexually) for over three and a half years now and arent ten so dont give me ten answers about the whole legal wife rubbish just want to know if possible to do and if so how and would like a minister or someone who can correctly tell me knowing the right way as dont want GODs rath for someone telling us the wrong thing

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