Are all married men interested in seeing other naked women?

NicoleB · Newbie Joined: 25 Feb 2005 Posts: 2

I am a married 29 year old and a mother of three little ones. I am having a hard time accepting the reality that all men are interested in seeing other naked women besides their wives. I feel that I am sexy enough and that my husband should not have this interest. He says he believes porn is harmful to a healthy marriage, but he says, "Of course I am interested in seeing naked women, aren't you interested in seeing....?". My reply was no, because I have no interest in seeing other naked men. I want to be so sexy that he won't want anybody but me. Is this even possible? If it is not, how do I get over this unfortunate reality so that my feelings aren't hurt and I can move on with life? I feel as though I don't want to be emotionally connected to my husband anymore because I am having a hard time accepting this, but would never divorce, especially due to our children. I need help.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

First, be glad that you husband is admitting this to you, even though it is very hard to hear. He could hide these feeling from you instead.
Besides, I believe there are some other issues to talk about - how does this honor the marriage? How does this behavior honor God?

The bible tells us in numerous passages about the danger of lust of the heart and the eyes -

Numbers 15:39
You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the LORD , that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes.

Job 31:1
"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.

Proverbs 6:25
Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.

1 John 2:16
For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world.

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I think if every man is trully honest, they all desire to look at a naked woman. Yes, a lot of men feel this is OK but for a Christian man, it needs to be a daily prayer to walk away from the behavior of this world. The draw of the flesh is a hard one to overcome. I feel this is where grace on your part is essential along with forgiveness. I would consider having a talk about pornography and is this something your husband has struggled with in the past or contuing to struggle with now. Pray about this as a couple and for this desire to be taken away from your husband.

There are several articles on this issue in Growthtrac.

NicoleB · Newbie Joined: 25 Feb 2005 Posts: 2

SAM,

Thank you for responding to my question. I guess it comes down to how interested a man is. Reading that the answer is yes has already made me feel better, although I am still hurt to tears. I have a newborn baby and so I am sure the sleep deprivation doesn't help me at this time. Thanks again.

SAM · Veteran Joined: 03 Mar 2001 Posts: 1989 Location: Chicago

Your welcome.

webacus · Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2005 2:26 pm Post subject:

From a guy's perspective...

Yes, I don't think there is a man on the planet who would not have "good feelings" upon seeing a naked woman. Simply, that is how we are wired.

Now, if a man is pursuing such experiences through pornography, adultery, etc., then that's another story.

Whether we want to admit it or not, men (Christian and non-Christian) find that kind of image to be pleasurable.

If so, then we have a problem. The above activities dishonor you and undermine your marriage.

Otherwise, I think you are (and he is) okay.

Carebbean · Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 4:28 pm Post subject:

NicoleB

Wow! This is really neat that you and your husband have had this in-depth conversation. So many Christian marriages are lacking this level on conversation and discussion.

The negative risks of sharing at this level could obviously include feelings of doubt, insecurity and mistrust - especially if not discussed in a sensitive or gentle manner. However, on the bright side, discussing in-depth issues (such as this one) may also be viewed as establishing confidence, security and trust in the marriage.

There are many factors which could sway either spouse to one perspective other: past history & experiences, what's going on in their present lives, how the subject is discussed and the manner in which we speak our partner's Love Language (Smalley) as we conclude the discussion - among a few.

Of course, while we are not marriage counselors, we urge you to consider evaluating all of the factors that may apply to your marriage before drawing any conclusion about your husband's intimate interest in and relationship with you.

One final tip of encouragement: it has been said that if you act enthusiastic you'll become enthusiastic. Sooooo ... if you act sexy (go ahead, say it) you'll what?

And we believe that married Christian men really want their wives to be just that - sexy, cinfident and frisky!

Have fun! Write us back in a few months and tell us the good news.

Blessings

BBangel · Newbie Joined: 28 Jun 2004 Posts: 1

From my experience, this is a Huge issue. Our society has made it OK to view another woman naked or in a sensual manner. In reality, not only does it make the wife feel doubtful about her husband, insecure in her marriage, and not good enough to her husband, but it is also adultery. Yes, it is the way guys are wired. Just as us women are wired more in the emotional department. So, does that make us right to have intimate conversations with a guy co-worker? NO! God did not intend for us to share our most intimate moments with anyone else but Him and our spouse. To go outside those boundaries jeopardizes the relationship.

marasdac · Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:38 am Post subject:

I BELIEVE MOST MEN ARE INTERESTED.
HOW ELSE CAN WE EXPLAIN THAT NEARLY 67% OF MEN IN A PROMISE KEEPERS CONFERENCE SURVEY, SAID SEXUAL PURITY WAS THEIR GREATEST STRUGGLE.
I AM NOW ONLY 265 DAYS CLEAN AND FREE OF PORNOGRAPHY.
SOMEWHERE I DECIDED I DIDN'T HAVE TO FORSAKE ALL OTHERS, BUT GOD DIDN'T FORGET.
NOW I MUST STAY AWAY FROM TRIGGERS THAT TEMPT ME TO GO BACK
YOUR HUSBAND MAY HAVE AN ADDICTION, MAYBE NOT. ASK HIM.
I WANTED TO BE FOUND OUT A LONG TIME AGO. BUT I WAS AFRAID. I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED HELP.

WIRED OR NOT, THE HOLY SPIRIT GIVES US THE ABILITY TO STAY PURE.
DIG YOUR TENT NEXT TO JESUS, DRIVE THE STAKE DEEP, AND PRAY WE DON'T WANDER OFF

TOOK GUTS TO WRITE WHAT YOU DID, GOOD JOB Confused

Carebbean · Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 11:24 am Post subject:

marasdac

Way to encourage and edify NicoleB .... by example! Congrats to you for your "sobriety" of your 265 days. Awesome!

We agree that it takes "guts" to disclose and even discuss this topic with your spouse, loved ones or other "siblings in Christ" like here on GT's Community. So to all who have participated in this discussion - KUDOS!

NocoleB - how's it going? Have you made any conclusions or observed any behaviorial changes in yourself or your husband during the past year?

Blessings to all,

	Growthtrac Community Forum Index -> Emotional Needs	All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1