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Anger - Anger
Moderators: webacus, Carebbean, SAM
18 posts • Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
by Photographer » Mon Nov 17, 2003 11:27 am
Sometimes I feel angry. I was married for 16 years. I rushed into the marriage and paid the price. I thought I was doing the right thing - at that time. I prayed and asked many christian family and friends. No one spoke up to slow it down. The divorce was final 18 months ago. We separated 2.5 years ago. I get angry at God. I don't want to go to church. I don't even want to pray. I now look at marriage as pain. I now feel better than I did when I was married. While I was married I was extremely depressed and angry. My ex-wife, who is a christian, is very strong willed. We went to christian marriage counseling for a year. After a year, our church got mad at me. My ex-wife convinced everyone that everything was my fault. I was told to stop being selfish. Basically interpreted as - Grin and Bear It. I am sorry I ever got married. I know I was a good husband. I was married to a strong willed woman that knew how to manipulate everyone. I fell for for it like a fool. I used to feel good about my relationship with God. Now I don't. He didn't look out for me. He allowed me to make some stupid decisions that I had prayed for his help on. I wish I had someone I could talk to....
by BopeepTex. » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:43 pm
Hi photographer, BopeepTex here. I would like to tell you first off that you are not alone in the boat that you're in. Many many people feel the same way. And yes, we can get angry God. I've done it myself.
With that said, I was wondering if you would mind me saying something. I often find that a person that is angry is also a very fearful person. You pretty much stated so in your post.
Look at what you've said. Your angry. Your wife has gotten the church you attend into a frenzy and angry at you. Now then lets look at this. Does it upset you that your wife told the church things or that she told them, they're angry with you, and you're afraid they won't like you or afraid it has made you look bad.
You also say that the church says you need to stop being selfish. Could it be that you're afraid they're right and that you won't be acceptable to God any longer??
Please understand here, I am trying to help you sort this out and am in no way judging you in any way. I would could never do that to a person as I have been in your shoes.
Now then you also say you were a good person but the way you posted it makes me think that its possible you are questioning whether you were or not. See if you are questioning whether you were or not then that's the fear factor again. Being angry is fear and we know that fear and anger are not from God. Satan is putting those thoughts into your head and let me say this. If you are indeed in Christ then whether you are mad at Him or not doesn't matter. Seek Him and turn it over to Him and get on with life. It's way to short to bound up by fear expressing itself in anger.
I hope this has helped you. Examine why you are angry and see if it's not from fear and be honest with yourself. Also know that God loves you yesterday, today, & tomorrow. He never changes and in time He will take the pain you've suffered and give you peace if you will allow Him to.
Grace and Peace to all.
p.s. remember that I've said I've been there and done that. It's a real long story but I couldn't have made it without the Lord even though I didn't realize until a few years ago. (I always was a day late and a dollar short lol)
With that said, I was wondering if you would mind me saying something. I often find that a person that is angry is also a very fearful person. You pretty much stated so in your post.
Look at what you've said. Your angry. Your wife has gotten the church you attend into a frenzy and angry at you. Now then lets look at this. Does it upset you that your wife told the church things or that she told them, they're angry with you, and you're afraid they won't like you or afraid it has made you look bad.
You also say that the church says you need to stop being selfish. Could it be that you're afraid they're right and that you won't be acceptable to God any longer??
Please understand here, I am trying to help you sort this out and am in no way judging you in any way. I would could never do that to a person as I have been in your shoes.
Now then you also say you were a good person but the way you posted it makes me think that its possible you are questioning whether you were or not. See if you are questioning whether you were or not then that's the fear factor again. Being angry is fear and we know that fear and anger are not from God. Satan is putting those thoughts into your head and let me say this. If you are indeed in Christ then whether you are mad at Him or not doesn't matter. Seek Him and turn it over to Him and get on with life. It's way to short to bound up by fear expressing itself in anger.
I hope this has helped you. Examine why you are angry and see if it's not from fear and be honest with yourself. Also know that God loves you yesterday, today, & tomorrow. He never changes and in time He will take the pain you've suffered and give you peace if you will allow Him to.
Grace and Peace to all.
p.s. remember that I've said I've been there and done that. It's a real long story but I couldn't have made it without the Lord even though I didn't realize until a few years ago. (I always was a day late and a dollar short lol)
by Photographer » Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:11 am
Bopeep
I am confused by your response. I don’t understand all of the comments relating to fear. I am not fearful, I am angry. I don’t believe that the two are the same. This frustrates me. My (former) church was not in a frenzy. My ex-wife simply convinced the pastor and a number of concerned people that all of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I admitted to my portion, however, all of the problems can hardly be my sole responsibility. I will grant you this, while I was married, I had a tremendous fear that my life was being sucked out of me by this woman.
In 1996 I began to see a therapist for depression. I attended a weekly session for a year. At the end of that time the counselor (secular) told me that I had the power within me to make changes in my life. One of the things I often told him was the feeling of being trapped or the feeling of being a prisoner. He told me that I could either divorce or stay in the marriage and live with it (grin and bear it). Being a Christian, I didn’t feel like a divorce was an option. I fired the counselor and started talking to an associate pastor of the church. A couple of men told me that this pastor was helpful to them.
The meetings with him were not that helpful because I never felt like he understood my problem. He acknowledged my point of view and decided to send me and my ex-wife to a Christian marriage counselor. The guy he sent us to was not to my liking. This counselor was a “rural” man that used a lot of “country” stories. He was a hunter and I had absolutely no respect for him. After seeing him for a month, we started seeing his partner.
One of the first things the counselor did was he give us a compatibility test. The test results were no surprise to either of us. The graphs made it quite obvious – where she was up I was down, and visa versa. The counselor said that in the 10 years he had given the test, he had never seen anything like it.
We continued seeing the Christian marriage counselor for a year. At the end of the year, the counselor reported that there was nothing he could do. Since the church was paying for it, they placed the responsibility for the lack of progress on me.
Then, all hell broke loose. We had a couple of the most horrible fights – with my ex-wife dragging the kids into the middle to make me look bad in front of them. I got ripped for everything – including the hot checks my ex-wife was writing. I eventually couldn’t take it anymore and moved out. But because I didn’t have much money, I went back home.
Shortly later, the second (of 3) HUGE fights erupted and the police were called to the house. To make a long story short, I eventually moved out, for good. I filed for divorce to get my life back. When I filed for divorce, I was basically kicked out of the church. I was told by someone close to the pastor that if I ever came to church that they would announce to the congregation all of my sins and shame me in front of everyone. Don’t need that, so I never returned to that church. I visited a handful of other local churches but by this time, my spirit has been quenched.
Now I am angry. It doesn’t help when people attempt to help by saying stuff like FEAR. I don’t believe it is a fear problem. My definition of anger is - a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. For once in many years, I don’t feel trapped in a relationship that was painful.
There are days, like yesterday, that I feel extremely angry and depressed. My anger and frustration is toward God. It doesn’t help when someone says a bunch of warm fuzzies about the very person I am mad at. The associate pastor I spoke of earlier did me the same way. This is what I told him. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said that we sinners know how to love our children. When they ask for a fish, we do not give them a snake instead. Likewise, our heavenly Father will give us good gifts was well. Well, here is my issue – why is God giving me a serpent instead of the fish I am asking Him for? The pastor was clueless and didn’t have an answer….
I am confused by your response. I don’t understand all of the comments relating to fear. I am not fearful, I am angry. I don’t believe that the two are the same. This frustrates me. My (former) church was not in a frenzy. My ex-wife simply convinced the pastor and a number of concerned people that all of the problems in our marriage were my fault. I admitted to my portion, however, all of the problems can hardly be my sole responsibility. I will grant you this, while I was married, I had a tremendous fear that my life was being sucked out of me by this woman.
In 1996 I began to see a therapist for depression. I attended a weekly session for a year. At the end of that time the counselor (secular) told me that I had the power within me to make changes in my life. One of the things I often told him was the feeling of being trapped or the feeling of being a prisoner. He told me that I could either divorce or stay in the marriage and live with it (grin and bear it). Being a Christian, I didn’t feel like a divorce was an option. I fired the counselor and started talking to an associate pastor of the church. A couple of men told me that this pastor was helpful to them.
The meetings with him were not that helpful because I never felt like he understood my problem. He acknowledged my point of view and decided to send me and my ex-wife to a Christian marriage counselor. The guy he sent us to was not to my liking. This counselor was a “rural” man that used a lot of “country” stories. He was a hunter and I had absolutely no respect for him. After seeing him for a month, we started seeing his partner.
One of the first things the counselor did was he give us a compatibility test. The test results were no surprise to either of us. The graphs made it quite obvious – where she was up I was down, and visa versa. The counselor said that in the 10 years he had given the test, he had never seen anything like it.
We continued seeing the Christian marriage counselor for a year. At the end of the year, the counselor reported that there was nothing he could do. Since the church was paying for it, they placed the responsibility for the lack of progress on me.
Then, all hell broke loose. We had a couple of the most horrible fights – with my ex-wife dragging the kids into the middle to make me look bad in front of them. I got ripped for everything – including the hot checks my ex-wife was writing. I eventually couldn’t take it anymore and moved out. But because I didn’t have much money, I went back home.
Shortly later, the second (of 3) HUGE fights erupted and the police were called to the house. To make a long story short, I eventually moved out, for good. I filed for divorce to get my life back. When I filed for divorce, I was basically kicked out of the church. I was told by someone close to the pastor that if I ever came to church that they would announce to the congregation all of my sins and shame me in front of everyone. Don’t need that, so I never returned to that church. I visited a handful of other local churches but by this time, my spirit has been quenched.
Now I am angry. It doesn’t help when people attempt to help by saying stuff like FEAR. I don’t believe it is a fear problem. My definition of anger is - a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. For once in many years, I don’t feel trapped in a relationship that was painful.
There are days, like yesterday, that I feel extremely angry and depressed. My anger and frustration is toward God. It doesn’t help when someone says a bunch of warm fuzzies about the very person I am mad at. The associate pastor I spoke of earlier did me the same way. This is what I told him. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said that we sinners know how to love our children. When they ask for a fish, we do not give them a snake instead. Likewise, our heavenly Father will give us good gifts was well. Well, here is my issue – why is God giving me a serpent instead of the fish I am asking Him for? The pastor was clueless and didn’t have an answer….
by SAM » Tue Nov 18, 2003 1:03 pm
Oh, the damage we do to each other, including our church families. It just saddens me so.
Great advice, BoBeepTex.
Photographer, if you did not have a great experience in counseling before, do not give up. Continue to seek someone out that you are comfortable with. I think it is highly important as part of your healing process.
Being angry is normal for a period of time. It is when it consumes you, your interaction with others and is a part of your thoughts every minute of the day, that you need to seek help.
Sometimes when we feel God has left us, it is actually when he is nearest to us. It is usually because our hearts have hardened and drawn away from Him. Hatred can do that.
Great advice, BoBeepTex.
Photographer, if you did not have a great experience in counseling before, do not give up. Continue to seek someone out that you are comfortable with. I think it is highly important as part of your healing process.
Being angry is normal for a period of time. It is when it consumes you, your interaction with others and is a part of your thoughts every minute of the day, that you need to seek help.
Sometimes when we feel God has left us, it is actually when he is nearest to us. It is usually because our hearts have hardened and drawn away from Him. Hatred can do that.
by SAM » Tue Nov 18, 2003 1:32 pm
Photographer,
I forgot to ask if you have been involved in any type of divorce recovery group. That may be very helpful to you in assisting with your anger. I know of one in the Chicago area that comes highly recommended. It is obvious your anger is not just directed at God only!
There is a book, if you are in to reading, "When God Doesn't Make Sense", sorry I've forgotten the name of the author. It may help.
God obviously allows us to make our own decisions. You know, that free will thing. Yet, when we make decisions that do not honor Him, we get angry with Him for it. Mostly because we have fouled up, ruined our own lives and generally made ourselves miserable. Your own decisions have made your life miserable, they have taken you to a place where you don't want to be, yet you are made at God about it. Every consider being angry with yourself about it?
I forgot to ask if you have been involved in any type of divorce recovery group. That may be very helpful to you in assisting with your anger. I know of one in the Chicago area that comes highly recommended. It is obvious your anger is not just directed at God only!
There is a book, if you are in to reading, "When God Doesn't Make Sense", sorry I've forgotten the name of the author. It may help.
God obviously allows us to make our own decisions. You know, that free will thing. Yet, when we make decisions that do not honor Him, we get angry with Him for it. Mostly because we have fouled up, ruined our own lives and generally made ourselves miserable. Your own decisions have made your life miserable, they have taken you to a place where you don't want to be, yet you are made at God about it. Every consider being angry with yourself about it?
by Photographer » Tue Nov 18, 2003 2:12 pm
Sam
You're very smart. I attended Divorce Care on 2 different occasions at 2 different churches. Divorce Care is helpful. Unfortunately, the thing about Divorce Care is that it is focused on the one who was rejected (my ex-wife), rather than the one who fled (me). I did get some useful information out of it, though. I would recommend to anyone seeking help in divorce.
The book you mentioned is a Dobson book. Dobson is ok. I think sometimes he tries to categorize or pigeon hole men and women too much. I have read a number of his books. Thanks for the recommendation.
Being divorced, money is a problem. I want to go back to counseling, but I can’t afford it. That’s why I wrote to this forum. I can’t afford a counselor, so I am asking some of God’s best people to talk to me. Thanks for the replies. Don’t take it personal anything I may say that may offend. When a person is angry, they often lash out and say things without thinking them through.
Your last paragraph is a beauty. I agree. MUCH or most of my anger is focused on myself. Through counseling (over the past 7 years) I have learned a lot about myself. The first step to improvement is seeing myself as I really am. I don’t think I have ever really known who I was until the last 5 years. My ex-wife credits a lot of these self-discoveries, events, and pain to a mythical mid-life crisis. I am in my early 40s. I am well read on the subject, by the way.
I know it’s hard for someone to read a few hundred words in a forum and get even a small idea of what is really happening. I appreciate people like you and BoPeep for attempting to help a complete stranger – especially given the fact that you have very little information. You have my side of a story, which of course is a discriminating point of view.
What I want more than anything, is someone to talk to. My mother tells me to, “Talk to God about it.” I know she means well, but I need another guy, preferably with an audible voice, that I can talk to. Since that isn’t possible at the moment, I have decided to write to a forum.
You're very smart. I attended Divorce Care on 2 different occasions at 2 different churches. Divorce Care is helpful. Unfortunately, the thing about Divorce Care is that it is focused on the one who was rejected (my ex-wife), rather than the one who fled (me). I did get some useful information out of it, though. I would recommend to anyone seeking help in divorce.
The book you mentioned is a Dobson book. Dobson is ok. I think sometimes he tries to categorize or pigeon hole men and women too much. I have read a number of his books. Thanks for the recommendation.
Being divorced, money is a problem. I want to go back to counseling, but I can’t afford it. That’s why I wrote to this forum. I can’t afford a counselor, so I am asking some of God’s best people to talk to me. Thanks for the replies. Don’t take it personal anything I may say that may offend. When a person is angry, they often lash out and say things without thinking them through.
Your last paragraph is a beauty. I agree. MUCH or most of my anger is focused on myself. Through counseling (over the past 7 years) I have learned a lot about myself. The first step to improvement is seeing myself as I really am. I don’t think I have ever really known who I was until the last 5 years. My ex-wife credits a lot of these self-discoveries, events, and pain to a mythical mid-life crisis. I am in my early 40s. I am well read on the subject, by the way.
I know it’s hard for someone to read a few hundred words in a forum and get even a small idea of what is really happening. I appreciate people like you and BoPeep for attempting to help a complete stranger – especially given the fact that you have very little information. You have my side of a story, which of course is a discriminating point of view.
What I want more than anything, is someone to talk to. My mother tells me to, “Talk to God about it.” I know she means well, but I need another guy, preferably with an audible voice, that I can talk to. Since that isn’t possible at the moment, I have decided to write to a forum.
by SAM » Tue Nov 18, 2003 2:32 pm
Your welcome.
Never know if the words sent out over a forum are helpful or not. Always feel free to just come and chat.
Are you part of a new church? Does that even interest you at this time? My heart hurts for you and the church you were in. I am so adamant about not "throwing" people out of a church. Where is Christ in all this??? Yes, confront people about their sin, lovingly, with care, with compassion. Watch to see if they turn from it, or continue in old patterns. Are they repentant. If not, then a time away is something to be considered with that person and the elders. An open opportunity to always come back must be an option.
God's people can really mess things up at times. But often, they are still the ones to turn to during times like these. Is there anyone in your life you can still seek solid Christian counsel from?
Is there a crisis center, help center, famility center in your community based on what you can afford?
I'm really glad you have spend some time in divorce recovery.
As hard as it is to focus on yourself, what you need to fix, what you need to work on - it really is best to look at your own heart condition. Is it loving, is it patient, is it caring, is it humble, is it open, is it hard, is it crusty, is it bitter, is it rotten??? A Christ centered heart won't be hatefilled, crusty, bitter,etc.
Never know if the words sent out over a forum are helpful or not. Always feel free to just come and chat.
Are you part of a new church? Does that even interest you at this time? My heart hurts for you and the church you were in. I am so adamant about not "throwing" people out of a church. Where is Christ in all this??? Yes, confront people about their sin, lovingly, with care, with compassion. Watch to see if they turn from it, or continue in old patterns. Are they repentant. If not, then a time away is something to be considered with that person and the elders. An open opportunity to always come back must be an option.
God's people can really mess things up at times. But often, they are still the ones to turn to during times like these. Is there anyone in your life you can still seek solid Christian counsel from?
Is there a crisis center, help center, famility center in your community based on what you can afford?
I'm really glad you have spend some time in divorce recovery.
As hard as it is to focus on yourself, what you need to fix, what you need to work on - it really is best to look at your own heart condition. Is it loving, is it patient, is it caring, is it humble, is it open, is it hard, is it crusty, is it bitter, is it rotten??? A Christ centered heart won't be hatefilled, crusty, bitter,etc.
by Photographer » Tue Nov 18, 2003 3:12 pm
Sam
No, I am not attending a church at the moment. First let me say this. The church I used to belong to believes is church discipline. Until I am ready to reconcile with my ex-wife, I am not welcome there. I have sinned and I am not willing to return to her. What I did was wrong – I admit it. Divorcing her was the easy, selfish thing to do – I admit it. But, boy, I sure feel so much better being away from her. I miss my kids terribly. I think the kids are what kept us together for all of these years.
We should never have gotten married. We met in May, and married in December. One year later we were parents. Add another year and we had 2 kids. The 7 months we dated before the wedding were full of arguments and a constant battle of wills. Why then, did we get married? Because we were sexually active and felt extremely guilty over it – especially considering our faith and participation in church.
So we got married. Had a baby. Then had another baby. We fought for 2 solid years. I finally had had enough and quit fighting with her. I started giving her her way so that we could have some peace. This lasted for quite a few years. As long as I admitted that everything was my fault we got along just fine. This method of operation started to break me down mentally.
My childhood was pretty tough, too. My parents were, and still are, somewhat mean and insensitive. My parents “discovered” God and the deeper things in Bible studies when I was about 11 years old. Because of the excitement to the Word, my brother and I were basically neglected. My parents started hosting Bible studies and attending Bible studies like a drunk attends AA meetings.
Anyway, my view of God has all kinds of problems – I admit. I want to restore my relationship with God, but I am still in pain. I went to an organization called SCOPE. Before you are allowed to see one of their counselors (donation), you are required to attend a series of classes and group sessions. When I got to talk to the counselor, he threw a lot of guilt on me and basically chased me away.
I suppose I do get bitter. It’s not like I am not seeking help. They (counselors, pastors, and elders) all basically tell me the same thing – reconcile with my ex-wife or find another counselor. They all say (Christian counselors) that I have this sin that won’t go away as long as I am unwilling to “do the right thing”.
If “doing the right thing” means going back to my ex-wife, I guess I will never be welcomed in God’s house…..
Hope your not getting tired of my long messages……..
Thanks for listening……
No, I am not attending a church at the moment. First let me say this. The church I used to belong to believes is church discipline. Until I am ready to reconcile with my ex-wife, I am not welcome there. I have sinned and I am not willing to return to her. What I did was wrong – I admit it. Divorcing her was the easy, selfish thing to do – I admit it. But, boy, I sure feel so much better being away from her. I miss my kids terribly. I think the kids are what kept us together for all of these years.
We should never have gotten married. We met in May, and married in December. One year later we were parents. Add another year and we had 2 kids. The 7 months we dated before the wedding were full of arguments and a constant battle of wills. Why then, did we get married? Because we were sexually active and felt extremely guilty over it – especially considering our faith and participation in church.
So we got married. Had a baby. Then had another baby. We fought for 2 solid years. I finally had had enough and quit fighting with her. I started giving her her way so that we could have some peace. This lasted for quite a few years. As long as I admitted that everything was my fault we got along just fine. This method of operation started to break me down mentally.
My childhood was pretty tough, too. My parents were, and still are, somewhat mean and insensitive. My parents “discovered” God and the deeper things in Bible studies when I was about 11 years old. Because of the excitement to the Word, my brother and I were basically neglected. My parents started hosting Bible studies and attending Bible studies like a drunk attends AA meetings.
Anyway, my view of God has all kinds of problems – I admit. I want to restore my relationship with God, but I am still in pain. I went to an organization called SCOPE. Before you are allowed to see one of their counselors (donation), you are required to attend a series of classes and group sessions. When I got to talk to the counselor, he threw a lot of guilt on me and basically chased me away.
I suppose I do get bitter. It’s not like I am not seeking help. They (counselors, pastors, and elders) all basically tell me the same thing – reconcile with my ex-wife or find another counselor. They all say (Christian counselors) that I have this sin that won’t go away as long as I am unwilling to “do the right thing”.
If “doing the right thing” means going back to my ex-wife, I guess I will never be welcomed in God’s house…..
Hope your not getting tired of my long messages……..
Thanks for listening……
by SAM » Tue Nov 18, 2003 3:42 pm
Thanks for all of the sharing. You have been through a lot.
It is good that you recognize now that you never sought God's will in this relationship from the beginning.
Reconciling? Getting back together as husband and wife?
I would think a first step, before anything else, would be reconciling as you would any person you have sinned against.
By owning up to your own junk and telling them you are sorry for the part you played in the break-up and destruction of the relationship. We can always find fault with someone elses actions, but not own up to the part we play. Next would be seeking their forgiveness. This can be especially hard since they may not be in a place to forgive yet.
As for getting back together as husband and wife, it is important to seek God's advice on this. He never wanted you to divorce in the first place. If you think He did, you are not listening to Him but to your own desires.
It is good that you recognize now that you never sought God's will in this relationship from the beginning.
Reconciling? Getting back together as husband and wife?
I would think a first step, before anything else, would be reconciling as you would any person you have sinned against.
By owning up to your own junk and telling them you are sorry for the part you played in the break-up and destruction of the relationship. We can always find fault with someone elses actions, but not own up to the part we play. Next would be seeking their forgiveness. This can be especially hard since they may not be in a place to forgive yet.
As for getting back together as husband and wife, it is important to seek God's advice on this. He never wanted you to divorce in the first place. If you think He did, you are not listening to Him but to your own desires.
by BopeepTex. » Tue Nov 18, 2003 8:46 pm
Photographer, I do know exactly what you're going through as I was married 13 years when my husband walked out on me and left me with 3 children and no job.
I also do understand as I was a very controlling wife. That's how my mother was and that's how she brought her daughters up. Thank God that he has allowed me to see that in myself and helped me quit being a control freak. I was a terrible wife and Praise God as he has brought us into a peaceful friendship now. (Even though we hated one another) For both of us the anger for one another isn't there anymore. We've both come to understand so much and as much pain and hate as there was, there is now that much forgiveness and friendship. I even think the woman he left me for is a pretty cool person.
Anyway, the anger we felt for one another all boiled down to fear. Mine was over learning the truth about myself. In seeing myself as others saw me. Actually he did also.
Here is a site you can go to. They have all kinds of info that can help you or you can call into radio program and listen in via internet. And they're all men. Bob George, Bob Christopher, and Bob Davies. (All Bob's haha) The web address is:
www.realanswers.net
or if you want to call and talk to them they have a counselor and his name is Ed Hecht. When you visit the site you can see if the have a radio program in your area. Their show is called People to People Ministries or People to People Counseling Services. It's free so just call. It's a wealth of info.
God Bless and Keep you Photographer, in his care.
Your sister in CHrist,
BopeepTex.
I also do understand as I was a very controlling wife. That's how my mother was and that's how she brought her daughters up. Thank God that he has allowed me to see that in myself and helped me quit being a control freak. I was a terrible wife and Praise God as he has brought us into a peaceful friendship now. (Even though we hated one another) For both of us the anger for one another isn't there anymore. We've both come to understand so much and as much pain and hate as there was, there is now that much forgiveness and friendship. I even think the woman he left me for is a pretty cool person.
Anyway, the anger we felt for one another all boiled down to fear. Mine was over learning the truth about myself. In seeing myself as others saw me. Actually he did also.
Here is a site you can go to. They have all kinds of info that can help you or you can call into radio program and listen in via internet. And they're all men. Bob George, Bob Christopher, and Bob Davies. (All Bob's haha) The web address is:
www.realanswers.net
or if you want to call and talk to them they have a counselor and his name is Ed Hecht. When you visit the site you can see if the have a radio program in your area. Their show is called People to People Ministries or People to People Counseling Services. It's free so just call. It's a wealth of info.
God Bless and Keep you Photographer, in his care.
Your sister in CHrist,
BopeepTex.
by Photographer » Thu Nov 20, 2003 2:46 pm
Sam
Are you a counselor? Some of your words and profile makes me think that you might be. Just curious.
I think my ex-wife and friends from my former church are hoping that I will "come to my senses" and get back together with her. I have told her that I was sorry and that I felt bad about how everything has played out. She was bitter and vengeful for a year. We can talk now, but I am very careful about what I say and do around her. She doesn’t accept too much responsibility in this whole mess. She is very much like my parents ( her parents, too). She doesn’t apologize for much. She still has our daughter reporting back to her about what I am doing so that she can use it against me either verbally, or in court.
The most upsetting thing – recently – is the fact that my parents are now building a close relationship with her. They never did while I was married to her. For some reason unknown to me is that they invite her to “events’. My mother has taken her to a musical play at the city art center, they have invited her to church functions, and other activities. My parents go to a different church. Late last week, my grandmother went into the hospital with a heart attack. I found out about it 3 days later from my ex-wife! My grandmother was in the hospital for 6 days before she told me. My parents were never very close to my ex until we separated. It hurts…..When I asked my mother about this she slammed the door on me (metaphorically) and griped me out.
I have no intention of ever going back into a relationship with my ex-wife. I used to be very much involved in ministry. I had a counter-cult ministry at one time, and I was a substitute teacher for adult Sunday school for a while. I led a home Bible study and was considered a good Christian man by everyone who knew me. When all of this “blew up”, the pastors at the church told my ex-wife that God will guilt me back to her. Well, that was over 2 years ago. I did feel guilty, but never bad enough to want to endure the pain I was living while I was married to her.
Are you a counselor? Some of your words and profile makes me think that you might be. Just curious.
I think my ex-wife and friends from my former church are hoping that I will "come to my senses" and get back together with her. I have told her that I was sorry and that I felt bad about how everything has played out. She was bitter and vengeful for a year. We can talk now, but I am very careful about what I say and do around her. She doesn’t accept too much responsibility in this whole mess. She is very much like my parents ( her parents, too). She doesn’t apologize for much. She still has our daughter reporting back to her about what I am doing so that she can use it against me either verbally, or in court.
The most upsetting thing – recently – is the fact that my parents are now building a close relationship with her. They never did while I was married to her. For some reason unknown to me is that they invite her to “events’. My mother has taken her to a musical play at the city art center, they have invited her to church functions, and other activities. My parents go to a different church. Late last week, my grandmother went into the hospital with a heart attack. I found out about it 3 days later from my ex-wife! My grandmother was in the hospital for 6 days before she told me. My parents were never very close to my ex until we separated. It hurts…..When I asked my mother about this she slammed the door on me (metaphorically) and griped me out.
I have no intention of ever going back into a relationship with my ex-wife. I used to be very much involved in ministry. I had a counter-cult ministry at one time, and I was a substitute teacher for adult Sunday school for a while. I led a home Bible study and was considered a good Christian man by everyone who knew me. When all of this “blew up”, the pastors at the church told my ex-wife that God will guilt me back to her. Well, that was over 2 years ago. I did feel guilty, but never bad enough to want to endure the pain I was living while I was married to her.
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