Understanding His World
By Cindi McMenamin
His Perfect World
As you begin to understand that your husband’s world is a bit different than yours, the question to ask him is,
"What would make your world a perfect place?"
This is how my husband answered that question: "A perfect world for me would be working at a job I completely enjoy, having time for rest and relaxation, and knowing that the people closest to me respect, me, honor me, and love me."
According to the surveys I took of married men of various ages and in various stages of life, I concluded (with my husband’s nod of approval, of course) that in every man’s world (and most likely your husband’s world too):
• He needs to feel respected as a man
• He needs to feel successful in all he does
• He wants to feel like a king, but not be your god
He Needs to Feel Respected as a Man
Countless studies have affirmed that a man would rather feel respected than loved. We women long to be cherished and loved and pursued, but there’s a sense in which a man can live without love. It’s
respect he can’t live without.
It’s interesting to note that in the Bible, husbands are commanded to love their wives. And wives are commanded to
respect their husbands. That passage of Scripture (Ephesians 5:22-25,28,33) starts off by telling wives to submit to their husbands, as to the Lord. We would like to think that husbands are commanded first to love us and, as they love us as their own bodies, we will gladly submit. But if we look carefully, we see that in this case, the Bible breaks its usual pattern of laying the responsibility on the husband first. The wives are first commanded to submit to (come under the leadership of) their husbands. And
then the husbands are commanded to love. This doesn’t imply we must earn that love through our obedience. But I believe our obedience and willingness to come under the leadership of our husbands makes it easier for them to obey the tall order God has given them: to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
God’s perfect design is that as a husband is being respected, he will readily love his wife. And as a wife is being loved, she will readily respect her husband. In a perfect world — which we, unfortunately, don’t live in — that would be the case. In our world — which is marred by selfishness and sin, which come more naturally to us than sacrificial love—one of you, you or your husband, must make the first move. Yes, in the second reference of this passage (verse 33), the command is given to your husband first. But the bottom line is that we
both (husbands and wives) are given the command 12 verses earlier in Ephesians 5:21 to "submit to
one another out of reverence for Christ." Before any instruction is given to the wife or husband in that chapter, we see the words "submit to one another." And why? Out of reverence for
Christ. Show your reverence to the One who gave His all for you by giving your all—your love, your respect, your honor—to your husband. And when you do, see if his love doesn’t truly follow!
He Needs to Feel Successful in All He Does
For a man, being productive or successful at something is important. And if your husband isn’t, in reality, succeeding at something, he at least needs to
feel like he’s winning
Men want to succeed. So what can we, as wives, do with that information? Let your husband know he is succeeding in the areas that are most important to him and you. And if what is important to you isn’t necessarily important to him, let him know every now and then that he is succeeding in that area, and it just may become an important area to him after all.
Many a man will give up altogether and go passive when it comes to parenting if you are insisting your parental skills are better. Many a man will stop communicating if you have let him know he is a failure at communication. On the other hand, if you are praising his efforts — even if at this point they are just efforts — he will want to continue to please you.
Treat him like a winner at home, and he’ll want to be there more often. Praise him for his handiwork around the house, and you’ll find him offering to be your handyman. Encourage him and tell him how good he makes you feel in the bedroom, and he’ll be more likely to initiate. Encouragement goes a long way…and making your husband feel like a winner will make him want to be around you — especially if you’re his No. 1 fan.
Adapted from
When a Woman Inspires Her Husband
Copyright © 2011 by Cindi McMenamin, published bt Harvest House, used with permission.
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