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Unable to Conceive
By Jay MacInnes and Chris Jeub
Jeff Deyo, formally with
SonicFlood, is a best selling Christian recording artist.
With patience, faith and his wife's support, SONICFLOOd's lead singer is on tour with
Saturate, his first solo album. But in this phase of his musical career, Jeff and his wife, Martha, face unexpected hurdles. Despite doctor visits and tests, they have been unable to
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conceive a child after ten years of marriage. Their marriage is great — full of exciting ministry — but they wonder what God has in store for them. In an exclusive interview, the Deyos discuss their present uncertainties as a childless couple.
Jeff, where did you and Martha meet?
Jeff: At Anderson University in Indiana. I planned to attend only one semester, but I enjoyed it and decided to stay. Martha was very glad and so was I.
How old were you both when you met?
Martha: I was 24.
Jeff: I was 21. Martha had sworn off dating forever, and I had basically said the same thing, just three weeks prior. We had both been in other relationships and were tired of the dating game. We said, "Lord, I don't want to date anybody else unless it is "the one." Three days later, Martha and I met.
What advice would you offer couples who are considering marriage?
Jeff: I think the key is patience. Many times couples marry prematurely. Sometimes they don't think through what life will be like beyond the honeymoon?
Martha: Or sometimes couples are dependent on one another. One or the other can't live alone.
Jeff: Martha and I determined that God was going to come first and whoever we would marry would be our help mate, friend and partner for life. I have this crazy belief that God has the best plan for me. It's amazing what God will do in your life if you let Him.
How has your family heritage influenced your relationship?
Martha: Jeff's family is awesome. They prepared him to be the head of our household. He has been one of the biggest influences in my life because he has taught me to love the Lord first.
Jeff: For us to say, "We love God more than each other" might sound harsh, but I think putting the Lord first, Martha second, increases my love for her. I can say, "God, she's yours." I think that makes a healthy relationship where we love and need each other, but there's not an unhealthy dependence. Because we love the Lord first and each other second, our marriage is so much healthier.
Are kids in the future?
Jeff: When we married, we decided to wait five or six years. We've been married 10 years, and, interestingly enough, we have not been able to have children yet. In a million years, I would never have imagined that we would be in this situation.
Martha: We went through extensive testing, and there's nothing wrong with either one of us. Since we're completely healthy, we don't want to spend any more money trying to make this happen if God doesn't want it to happen right now. We're very content with that.
A lot of childless couples might express grief because of this situation. What faith lessons are you learning from all of this?
Jeff: It's so ironic the way God works. We want what we can't have and say, "God, what is it that you're trying to teach me?" We'll have to trust him and say, "Okay, Lord, whatever you want is what we want."
Is adoption an alternative?
Martha: Absolutely. But we're not talking adoption now because we don't want to be ahead of God. We're very content. We want children, but we'll be patient.
Jeff: Our parents aren't quite so patient. They say, "Let's have some grandkids around here!"
As a couple who have not had any children, do you feel like a family?
Jeff: Yes, absolutely. Martha and I travel the world and get opportunities to minister, pray and talk with students and kids. We are experiencing struggles of not having our own children, but being a Christian, God has given us a family already.
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Jay MacInnes is an English teacher in Colorado Springs, and Chris Jeub is a senior online editor for Focus on the Family. Originally seen on
family.org. Used with Permission.
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