You must begin by first repenting to God and then
to your spouse. Repenting does not mean that there will be no
consequences for your actions. You must also deal with the results of
your behavior. Submit to counsel and talk with a pastor or spiritual
leader. The only way that you are going to solve your problems is to
bring your heart into the open and become accountable and submitted.
Encourage your spouse to go to counsel with you,
but do not be forceful. You are going to counsel because you want your
marriage to work ? not so that your spouse will be "fixed." Realize
that no matter what circumstances contributed to the breakdown of your
marriage, no one caused you to sin?it was a choice you made.
As you seek to restore your marriage, you will have
to prove that you have changed. Trust can be lost in a moment, but it
can only be gained over time so be patient and do not expect immediate
results. It is natural for your spouse to be suspicious or cautious of
you for awhile. Trust can be restored, but it comes only as you are
open and honest and prove yourself trustworthy.
In
order for your marriage to work, you must break off all contact with
the person with whom you committed adultery even if you have to move
and/or change jobs. There is no other way. Regardless of how certain
you are that it would never happen again, do not lie to yourself about
the relationship. Deception is a deadly trap from the enemy, and you
will fall into it if you try to make light of the severity of what
you've done or the danger of it recurring.
Also,
choose your friends carefully. Do not have a close friend in someone
who is adulterous or sympathetic toward adultery. You do not need the
negative input of other wounded people. Instead, get involved with
godly people with good marriages.
Hope and Healing
I
have dealt with many difficult counseling situations over the years,
but I have never seen a situation no matter how complex or devastating
that God could not handle, or where He withdrew His love. For the
betrayed, God says that His ear is attentive to your cry in other
words, He will comfort you (Isaiah 66:13 / Psalm 34:15-18). To the one
who betrayed, He says, "Repent and turn from your wicked ways, and I
will restore you" (2 Chronicles 7:14 / Psalms 103:12).
Whatever you may be facing, turn to Him as you face
it because nothing is impossible with God, and He always works on
behalf of the person who is committed to Him and is trying to do the
right thing.
Scriptures for healing your
heart:
Isaiah 59:1
Psalm 18:6
Psalm
34:17-18
Proverbs 3:5
2 Corinthians
4:16-18
1 Peter 1:6-9
1 John
1:9
Copyright © 2005 Jimmy Evans,
Used by Permission.
Author & one of America's
leading authorities on family and marriage relationships,
Jimmy Evans is Founder
& CEO of MarriageToday. He
and his wife, Karen, host MarriageTodayTM, a national television
program. Jimmy is the author of many resources including the books
Marriage on the Rock, Freedom From Your Past, 7 Secrets of Successful
Families, and Resolving Stress in Your Marriage. He also travels
nationwide presenting life-changing truths for couples through his
marriage seminars and conferences. Jimmy and Karen have two children
and two grandchildren.
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