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Romance: Surviving the Diaper Phase
By Glen & Christie Hoos
You swear it will never happen: you will not become one of those
couples who lets the fires of romance burn out as soon as children come
on the scene. You know the ones — with puke stains on their t-shirts
and bags under their eyes, they seem to have little in common other
than an obsession with telling everyone about their wonderful child.
Then one day you wake up with the Barney theme song running through
your mind. You realize that your conversations with each other now
revolve around sleep (as in who has had less), poop (as in who has
cleaned up more), and the new host of Blue's Clues. Maybe keeping the
romance alive is going to be tougher than you thought.
Take heart! Though it may seem impossible, your
love life can survive the Diaper Phase, if you're willing to work at
it. Here are a few words to keep in mind as you learn to redefine
romance:
Plan
Often we think that true romance
must be spontaneous. That may have worked when it was just the two of
you, but things have changed. Don't sit around waiting for a free
moment — it will probably never come. Make your relationship with your
spouse a priority and build it into your schedule. Find a regular
babysitter so your minds are at ease, and then plan a weekly date night
and guard it zealously.
Flexibilty
When
children enter the picture, you may need to alter your dating habits.
Perhaps you've always gone out in the evenings, but you're finding that
it's a bad time to leave your child with a sitter. Or maybe the cost of
babysitting makes regular dates impossible. Get creative! Try an
afternoon date if that works better with your child's schedule. Swap
babysitting with another family. Put the kids to bed a little early
have a romantic dinner for two at home. There are many possibilities,
but you'll have to start thinking outside the box.
Boundaries
It's hard to say 'no' to a
crying baby, but as your children get a little older, don't be afraid
to tell them, "It's Mommy and Daddy time right now." It's also
important to set boundaries for yourselves. It's all too easy to give
our best time and energy away to everyone and everything else, other
than your spouse. Let the dishes sit in the sink for a few minutes, and
carve out some precious time to reconnect with one another.
Intimacy
Now, about the "S" word — and
no, it's not sleep. Sex. It's what made you parents in the first place,
and it still has an important role to play in keeping your relationship
strong. Our Hollywood culture doesn't really prepare us for the fact
that a healthy sex life requires work, selflessness and a sense of
humor. The demands of raising children will impact your sexual
relationship, but if you put your spouse's needs first it can be better
than ever.
Priority
Above all, remember that the
greatest thing you can do for your kids is to love each other well.
Maintaining a happy, healthy marriage relationship will bring needed
peace and stability to their lives and will provide a great example for
them to follow later in life. Make loving your spouse your first
priority. Your kids will thank you for it — and you will, too!
Copyright
© 2008 Glen and Christie Hoos. Used with permission.
Read more at FamilyLifeCanada.
Glen and Christie Hoos live in Aldergrove, BC,
where they do their best to keep the romance alive amidst the chaos
created by daughters Lydia (2 1/2) and Chloe (6 months). They are on
staff with FamilyLife and Athletes in Action, ministries of Campus
Crusade For Christ, Canada.
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