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The first time I ever saw her was in the context of worship. And I said, "Wow, God! That's the type of girl I want to marry." There's something very radiant about her when she's worshipping; it goes far beyond her beauty. There's something magical.

Jenn is a person who loves Jesus deeply — it's very apparent, even meeting her for the first time, that God has invested a lot of talent and beauty in her. I admire her greatly, her strength as a person and as a musician. She's incredibly gifted.

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Jenn and I have been married just over ten years. I was married at 22, and Jenn was just "four days" 21.

As a young person I always thought that once I got married I wouldn't do adventureous things like travel abroad; I thought I needed to do all these things before I got married because married people just stay at home. How wrong I was!

Our lives have been more than I dreamed they could be. Jenn and I have traveled all over the world, experiencing over twenty countries and four continents together. The first year-and-a-half of marriage, we were overseas several months of the year with Christian Outreach International, leading high school and college students on short term mission outreach.

Jenn and I led a worship team to Bosnia in 1999 while bombs were falling on Serbia, just three hours away. We did a Maranatha Praise Band tour of Korea. Through our first ten years we've traveled to ministry-related places, leading worship, recording and being part of some amazing churches — and doing it together has been the greatest joy of my life.

We're both grateful we were married young because we've experienced so many things together. That goes against the typical thinking that you need to experience life before you get married. We got married and experienced all these things together.

After we were married, we became missionaries, traveling with teams overseas. We had the advantage of meeting other couples and asking, "How does marriage work for you?" and we'd try to apply that to our relationship. As much as we possibly can, Jenn and I are students of people we admire. We try to be proactive, building relationships with couples who can mentor us.

I remember hearing that a person should have at least seven mentors, one for each significant area of your life, and I took that to heart. I have mentors for musical areas, husband areas, spiritual and worship leader areas.

Jenn and I are very different in our temperaments. I had to learn how not to measure things according to my temperament. Jenn is the classic melancholy; she loves detail and people. And I am a reasoner and much more of an extrovert. I had to learn how not to force her to be like me.

Early in our marriage I remember Jenn just shutting down and crying, and I'd say, "Just tell me. Help me understand." Because of Jenn's family background, she would see arguing as a precursor to divorce, so she avoided talking things through. That passivity was how she did "family" while growing up.

We've come to a balance where we only have an argument — actually more of a fierce reasoning — once every six months. We track it! It's kind of a line-by-line discussion where we try to get the other to see where we're coming from. Jenn is able to reason with me quite articulately. Now, ten years later, Jenn can push me in the corner when it comes to reasoning! So we grew significantly.

Over the last seven years a big part of our journey has been our desire for children. The last six months we've tried several different fertility procedures — all unsuccessful.

Early on we were much more sensitive and given to tears about it. Not to say that we've grown immune to the sadness — our desire for children has not diminished. We have had a strong desire to be parents and have children; we feel its part of Gods plan. We just don't know His timing.

I want to be very involved and go through this with Jenn — I have tried not to make it just her thing. I've made a priority of making Jenn's/our doctor appointments. I've been willing as a man to allow myself to go out on a limb and be hopeful, which means we feel the disappointment together.

We have friends who've struggled with infertility and they've come to an understanding where it might not be God's plan to have children; and they are in unity about this decision. Likewise, Jenn and I are in unity with the sense that God has children in our future.

	Update June 30th 2003... Curt and Jen gave birth to beautiful Gabrielle "Gabbi" Ashton!

Infertility commonly is an issue that pushes couples apart. Jenn and I have grown closer. Those deep experiences are what a covenant marriage relationship is really all about.

There's a song by an artist I really admire, David Wilcox. The lyrics say, "all the roots grow deeper when it's dry." And so in the dry seasons in our lives, the roots of our relationship have grown deeper through our fertility struggles.

Infertility has enabled us to work out our theology in our everyday lives. That's very important to me. Particularly if I'm up on a platform, and I write songs, and I'm leading worship, and I'm saying, "God is good and he's faithful," and I haven't worked that out in my everyday life — my worship-leading will be trite. One of the saddest things is worship with no depth.

Through our struggles with infertility, I co-wrote a song: "You Never Let Us Down".

To me this song is a new way of stating the classic hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness.

Is God letting us down? Is He really faithful? We saw that He is faithful. Right now, as we're walking this journey of life, He's faithful. I don't always understand His timing, and I don't always understand His reasons. But I understand that, in the end, He is faithful and He is doing things for our good.

The truth is we're all broken. None of us really have it together. So I think it's important as a worship leader to convey that transparency and allow people to know what our struggles are.

John Eldredge addresses the disappointments life brings. Disappointment can often lead us to believe God is removed from us. This understanding that God is the author and hero of our story and that He's entrenched in our story, was very impacting on my life.

When I go through disappointment, it isn't as if He's far away. He's in my story, and He feels my heartache. He feels my sadness; He understands it. Jesus is acquainted with suffering and sorrow. Through my personal disappointments, I discovered God is in my story - particularly with infertility. That book has broadened my understanding of who God is. God feels me when I hurt.

In the Bible (Genesis 15:2), God was speaking to Abram about all the incredible things He was going to do with him, and Abram said, "What good are all these things if I don't have a son?"

I relate to Abram in this story. I am grateful for my life and grateful for all God has done in my life. Yet in moments of great disappointment, I do feel, "God, what good are all things without children?" I don't wake up every morning feeling that way... But in moments of disappointment.

My challenge is to live a life like Abram, a life full of faith.

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Faith goes beyond reasoning; it's saying, "God, through all these struggles, somehow within myself, within my theology and faith, I have grown to understand your faithfulness." - I understand it through faith. I don't understand simply through reasoning.


Curt Coffield is committed to "helping others worship". He is a worship leader and songwriter who has been leading worship for over fifteen years. His songs have been recorded by Integrity! Music and Maranatha! Music.

Curt has led worship teams on evangelistic outreaches to fourteen nations on four continents. In the summer of 2000, Curt led worship for Promise Keepers in arenas around the United States. In 2001, he led worship for Maranatha Praise Band and was a clinician for Maranatha's Worship Leader Workshop. He is a noted speaker on the practices of leading worship and developing worship teams.

Curt lives in Monterey, California with his wife of ten years Jennifer, who is also a noted vocalist and worship leader.

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