Helping Your Spouse Feel Safe

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http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/helping-your-spouse-feel-safe-1194.php

Nov 5, 2008

Helping Your Spouse Feel Safe
By Patrick Morley

God gave you your spouse to be your first responsibility. After your relationship with Him, the most important thing is to help your spouse become all God wants him or her to be.

After God, but before all others, make your spouse your top priority.

For Him

Show appreciation for the things he does. Everyone needs encouragement. Your husband has a lot of pressures and demands on his time and attention. Let him know how much you appreciate his earning an income, fathering your children, and being your husband.
Help him find opportunities for success with you, the children, and others. Set him up to succeed, not to fail. Small choices with positive results lead to more good choices and more positive results. Encourage him to take a short walk with you, to say a prayer with the kids before bed, or to talk over the sermon with the family at Sunday lunch.
Clearly communicate your needs. Most husbands want to do a good job. But a husband can’t read his wife’s mind. Tell him how to serve you so he can succeed.
Minimize criticism that belittles or degrades. Nagging gets you nowhere in the long run. If your husband is not living strong, it’s probably because he’s insecure and unsure of what to do. Belittling and criticizing only digs the hole deeper.

Implement one of these ideas today and see how God uses it in your relationship. You’re right. Again, that’s pretty much what the rest of the book is about, but here are a few ideas to help you provide intimacy to your wife.

For Her

Stay connected with her emotionally. Your wife wants you to understand how she feels, and she wants to know what is going on in your heart and mind as well. Take a moment today and talk with her about one substantive thing going on in your life.
Avoid criticism that threatens her sense of f self. Your wife faces a lot of pressure from our culture, her relationships, and her own self-image. She needs to know that you love her for who she is in spite of what she does or doesn’t do. Tell her today that you love her no matter what.
Talk to her and pray with her. Communication is a key to creating intimacy with your wife. Make time every day to have meaningful interaction. Ask questions about her day. Say The Marriage Prayer with her before you go to bed tonight. Look her in the eyes, ask how she’s doing, and really listen to her answer.

The Emotional Bank Account

Every human being has what we might call an emotional bank account. Every interaction with your spouse is either a deposit or a withdrawal. One way to help your spouse have security in your relationship is to make more deposits than withdrawals.

Every human being banks somewhere. Each person has emotional needs, and they attempt to have them met. If you don’t fill these needs for your spouse, chances are that somebody else will. So be sure to memorize your spouse’s account number. (And if you’ve forgotten it, ask your spouse—they’ll be more than happy to remind you.)

Finding and providing security in your marriage relationship becomes a solid foundation for everything God wants to do in and through you individually and as a couple.