Pre-Mature Trust

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After dating Rick for six months, Donna really enjoyed their close friendship and deep, intellectual discussions. In the excitement, however, Rick began to repeatedly pressure Donna about getting married, which made her feel nervous. She liked Rick but had concerns over their contrasting careers and his ability to provide for a family. Rick worked two part-time jobs, had no insurance, and seemed content to live on a limited income. Meanwhile, Donna had a well-paying corporate job but hoped to stop working and start a family.

Whenever Donna mentioned the disparity in their careers or ideas about the future, Rick insisted that their love could overcome their differences. In addition, he asserted that God would somehow work everything out. The longer they dated, the more he pushed Donna to consider marriage. He would say, "We've dated for over six months now. I love you and totally trust you. Why can't you trust me enough to get engaged?" Donna felt uneasy every time he asked that question.

Some singles carry a baggage problem called premature trust. They tend to quickly fall in love and expect others to trust them implicitly. They make pointed comments, such as, "I trust you. Why can't you trust me?" This question may sound innocent, but self-seeking motives are behind it.

Other people must earn your trust. It is completely normal if you need a lot of time before you can trust someone. You develop confidence in a person through observing consistent behavior. Thus, if someone prematurely asks you to trust him or her, be suspicious and date that person with caution. Singles who expect blind faith are either looking to take advantage of you or hiding something negative. In some instances, a guy will pressure a girl to trust him so that he can exploit her sexually.

Premature trust can also occur when someone says "I love you" too soon after a new dating relationship begins. The real definition of "love" means commitment, and it's impossible to know if you're ready to commit to someone that you don't really know.  So, save these important words until you establish a mutual trust with someone over a period of many months.

For instance, Stacy met Mike through an online dating service and prematurely trusted that he was "The One."  She thought Mike was special, because he was from her hometown, went to church, and shared an interest in the same types of food.  Within weeks, Stacy told him, "I love you," and felt confident they would marry.  Thus, she was devastated when Mike called three months later to say that he couldn't "see a future with her."

If you hastily conclude that someone is perfect for you, then you're usually not in love. Instead, you may be deluded by infatuation, because true love takes time to develop. Therefore, it is foolish to say "I love you" to someone before you have taken the time to get to know him or her.

Other singles may prematurely say "I love you" as a ploy to push their relationships to a deeper romantic level. If you do not guard your heart, you can fall for this tactic because the emotional praise feels good. Yet, true love involves a willingness to sacrifice for someone, such as giving the other person emotional freedom to move at their own pace.

If someone pressures you to trust him or her romantically but won't sacrifice his or her desires for your benefit, then consider the person's words empty. Leave that person and reserve your heart for someone who is willing to earn your trust.  For true love to grow, trust must be earned.

Rob Eagar is the author of "Dating with Pure Passion" and speaks full-time to over 10,000 singles and young adults each year. His message has been featured nationally on the CBS Early Show, CNN Radio, and The Los Angeles Times. Rob resides with his wife, Ashley, in Atlanta, GA, where they encourage single adults at North Point Community Church. For more details, visit www.robeagar.com.

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