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Masturbation: The Secret That Ruins Great Sex
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By Mark Laaser
The tolerance effect can also mean that the
sexual fantasy involved in masturbating will need to become more
exciting, more provocative, and/or more dangerous. You may have found
that your own sexual fantasies have become more elaborate involving new
types of sexual activity or a constantly changing supply of imaginary
sexual partners. You may not even realize it, but your fantasy life may
have become sinful in nature.
The friction of using
your own hand or some other aid to achieve masturbation may also
condition you to that level of stimulation. Believe it or not, this
kind of conditioning may make it less likely that you will be
stimulated by vaginal intercourse. Men who get into this kind of
pattern may start experiencing sexual frustrations when they are being
sexual with their wives.
If you understand the
effect sexual fantasy and activity has on the brain, you can also
understand that many of us have used the pleasurable feelings of sex to
escape unpleasant feelings. You may have noticed that the times when
you have most felt like masturbating are those times when you are
lonely, tired, angry, frightened or stressed out. When we use
masturbation or any other form of sexual activity to achieve this kind
of escape, we are depriving ourselves of more fulfilling and
Christ-centered answers to those
feelings.
Sometimes, the very sexual fantasies we
use to masturbate may create imagined situations in which we are
getting comfort, touch, love and nurture from imaginary others. Outside
of the brain chemistry effect, these imagined relationships may give us
a false sense of comfort for our feelings. In either case, we are not
truly looking for ultimately satisfying answers to our
problems.
If you are seeking to end a struggle with
chronic and addictive masturbation, remember that you are not alone.
Your struggle is something that many men have faced. Nothing separates
us from the love of Christ. Find fellowship with other men with whom
you can be honest about your feelings. Take a risk to be vulnerable. If
you're married, work on your emotional and spiritual intimacy with your
wife. You don't need to be explicit with her about your fantasies or
masturbation habit, but you do need to tell her how you're feeling, how
much you love her, and how much you need her.
We
must come to realize that God intended sex for the one-flesh union of a
man and woman in marriage. Paul teaches in Ephesians 5:31-32 that this
union is like the relationship of Christ to the church. Ultimately,
this means that any sexual activity between a husband and wife that is
selfish is not Christ-like in nature. Lust is selfish. Marital sex is
not for the purpose of satisfying selfish desires. If that is all we
are doing, we will never be satisfied. Masturbation, likewise, is never
ultimately satisfying because it falls short of the incredibly
satisfying nature of a spiritual union with a wife. With any of God's
laws, He is not trying to spoil our fun, just trying to point us to
something more fulfilling.
Like the relationship of
Christ to the church, are you willing to die for your wife? If so, will
you honor her and her body? So much of our Christian journey presents
us with a paradox. We surrender our life to Christ and receive eternal
life. If you surrender your selfish sexual desires to Christ and seek
to give to your wife, you will experience sexual fulfillment as He
intended.
Copyright © 2006 Dr. Mark Laaser, used with permission. Read more at
faithfulandtrueministries.com
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