Masturbation. It probably wasn't the subject of your pastor's sermon last Sunday. And chances are, your dad never talked to you about it while you were growing up. But it's a painful issue for many Christian men out there.
Single men, in particular, wonder what they should do until they get married. They may even ask, "Isn't it better to masturbate and satisfy my natural desires in this way rather than some -- clearer' form of sexual sin?"
One of the challenges to answering these questions is that the secular world has been busy normalizing masturbation and dispelling negative consequences (though it really isn't true that you will go blind). Many of us who have gone to counselors, even pastors, about our own masturbation habits have been told, "Don't worry about that! That's normal." It is true that the experience of masturbating is very common. Even babies touch themselves and find the experience pleasurable. Many adolescents stumble across the experience again when it has become orgasmic and find it both exhilarating and frightening at the same time. That is not sin, but normal curiosity.
The main challenge to answering these questions men ask is that the Bible never mentions the word masturbation. In the absence of a clear command, we should be careful that we don't heap undo condemnation where God intended it. But, there are some things that we should keep in mind.
While the Bible is not clear about masturbation, it is clear about lustful fantasy. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus teaches that thinking about another woman lustfully is adultery. If you're looking to justify masturbation, you're going to have to ask yourself what you think about when you do it. Bringing yourself to orgasm while thinking about anyone to whom you are not married is, according to Jesus, adultery. Thinking about some sexual scenario and achieving an orgasm to those thoughts conditions you to what sex could be like. This is dangerous in that it sets up unrealistic expectations for what sex with your wife ? or future wife ? should be like.
Don't be self-righteous and think, "Well, I masturbate, but I only think about my wife. That isn't adultery." Do you think about actual past experiences, or do you project into the future: "Wouldn't it be great if she would only?"? Thinking in this way only sets up unrealistic expectations and dishonors your wife. Maybe in masturbating you're trying to correct frequency or sexual practice issues you have in your marriage. You may even find that when you masturbate you are angry with your wife because she isn't available in certain ways. Unhealed anger about these issues fuels vulnerability to all forms of sexual sin. Masturbating may even deprive your wife of your sexual ability to her.
Another point to ponder is that for many, masturbating leads to a certain form of "tolerance." The tolerance effect simply means that the more you do something the more you will eventually need to do it to achieve the same affect. An alcoholic knows, for example, that when he first starts drinking, one drink may be enough to get him drunk. After weeks, months or even years, a lot more alcohol will be needed to do so. This is because God has built into our bodies the amazing ability to adjust to whatever we put in it. Our bodies will eventually return to a state of normal. If we put something foreign into it consistently enough, however, the body will adjust what it considers to be normal to a higher level.
Sexual thinking causes a chemical reaction in the brain. That is what gives us the bodily response to achieve sexual intercourse and the pleasurable feeling that goes with it. Fantasizing about sex and achieving orgasm through masturbation creates this chemical reaction. If we masturbate enough, our bodies will adjust, and we will need to do it more to achieve the same effect. I have known men, in extreme cases, who started masturbating once a month or so when they were adolescents and by the time they came to me were masturbating multiple times per day. They are addicted to the brain chemicals created when they stimulate themselves in this way.
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