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10 Good Ways to Work at Sex
By Jim Burns
When a young couple begins their life together as husband and wife, they usually don't spend too much time talking about their sexual knowledge or experience. Quite frankly, they typically take this aspect of their relationship for granted -- and why not? They're young, they're in love and they're married. Isn't that the perfect recipe for passionate and fulfilling physical intimacy?
Well, the reality is that many of the more common reasons for a lack of satisfaction in this area really have nothing to do with age, marital status or physical fitness. Just like any other aspect of the marriage union, physical intimacy can either be a functional part of the relationship or it can be a deeply meaningful form of expression. The difference lies in how much work a couple is willing to do.
Dr. Cliff Penner and his wife, Joyce, get my vote for being two of the most knowledgeable "sexual therapists" and educators. Cliff is a clinical psychologist with a M.A. in Theology and a Ph.D. from Fuller Seminary's Graduate School of Psychology. Joyce is a registered nurse and holds a Master's Degree in Psychosomatic Nursing and Nursing Education from UCLA. They've written and lectured extensively on this topic of sex education and sexual enhancement for married couples.
They've also developed a list of what I like to call
10 Good Ways to Work at Sex.
Remember that our sexuality is a gift from God. This is more than just a physical response we're talking about here. Sexuality is part of God's plan of creation. Our sexuality as husbands and wives has been wired-in by God. It's nothing to be ashamed of, so embrace this gift!
Sexual pleasure within marriage is encouraged and expected. If your times of physical intimacy with your spouse aren't all you'd hoped they'd be, take the steps necessary to find out what's not working for the two of you. No one is expecting you to have the "ultimate" sexual experience every time, but this is too important of a measure of your connectedness to ignore if there is a problem. Sex is for unity, procreation and pleasure, so keep your priorities straight.
Keep "mutuality" as the central force of your "sexuality." We are expected to give ourselves to each other in marriage; this is a mutual command (it's not for wives only!). Each passage in the New Testament that teaches about the husband-wife sexual relationship either begins or ends with a command for mutuality. Not only are husband and wife equal in God's sight, but they have mutual rights and responsibilities.
Continued...
Copyright © 2006 Jim Burns, Used with permission.
Read more from Jim at homeword.com
In response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns founded HomeWord (formerly YouthBuilders) in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.
Multiplication and Leverage: While absolutely committed to young people, HomeWord equips parents, grandparents and youth leaders; those who daily reach out to kids. By equipping adults, and leveraging those adults to reach kids, HomeWord reaches more young people more cost effectively.
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