Parenthood hopefully brings along the gift of joy, but when it does not many are left feeling unprepared. Countless hours are spent during pregnancy examining every how-to books from childbirth to child rearing. Little to no time remains to reflect upon the emotional changes life brings with having a child and the impact one child can have upon your marriage. In most cases, the child is not the problem. Rather, the problem is often embedded in life with a child and the sudden changes that a child brings. Life is no longer left to us as individuals.
So what is Postpartum Depression (PPD), and how can it impact me or my spouse? Postpartum Depression is a mood disorder largely due to the hormonal changes occurring within the body. This disorder has three varying degrees: baby blues, postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis (major depression). Persistent low mood for two weeks or more, inadequacy, feelings of failure, hopelessness or helplessness, exhaustion, emptiness, sadness or tearfulness, guilt, shame, anxiety or panic, withdraw for normal activities, lack of interest in pleasurable things, fear of harming baby or being alone or going out, etc.
Postpartum baby blues can affect as many as 50-80% of all women. 1 in 5 of those women go on to experience Postpartum depression . While, leading research currently suggest that 10% of all dads experience some form of depression during the postpartum period . With both parents having potential to acquire Postpartum depression, what can be done to protect your new family and marriage?
Are there ways to prevent and ward off postpartum depression? Start with these preventive methods:
Talk about your fears and expectations with your spouse.
Discuss the framework of your childhoods together. Take turns answering questions like: How were you raised? What was common at home? How were you disciplined? Did you feel a sense of love and acceptance? What did you like? What didn't you like? Together compose a plan that you both agree on and that works for you.
Let your weaknesses make you strong. Be aware and identify your weaknesses early on. We all have them. Admitting we are unable is often the starting block towards real emotional healing.
Create a support network now. Identify all the individuals in your life that are able to help you once the baby arrives. Talking to them may not be necessary at this point, but knowing you have support before it is needed can be vital.
Acquire mentor support — Ask an older, wiser person to take you under their wing. This person will hopefully feed into your life possibly being a lifeline in your time of need. Every one of us can learn more from those who have journeyed before us.
Do it your way — Parent your way. Do what works for you as a couple! Take suggestions and ask for advice, but ultimately you are the parents. You know what you need. Do what's best for you and your family.
Remember your freedom. We are free in Christ (Gal. 5:1). It truly helps when we know who we really are in Christ, but even if you don't know yet, remind yourself daily that you are called to His freedom!
What happens if you or your spouse find you struggle with postpartum depression? Exhaust every preparation tool available, but remember in some cases depression may not be avoided. If one of you finds yourself within these shoes, keep in mind changing hormones and chemicals within the postpartum body are the focus of most leading theories for women. For men, leading theories suggest sleep deprivations, stress in the parents' relationship and isolation from friends as possible causes. Notify your doctor immediately. Make decisions based on medical recommendations and also:
Know you are not alone. Many women and men have felt a similar way.
Ask for help. Get a support network around both of you and your child. Fear and pride can be used to keep you from a lot, but now is not the time to entertain either. If you find you need help, ask family, friends, church groups, doctors, nurses, postpartum support groups, counsellors, and even the neighbour kid next door. Get help, and get as much as you can!
Pray. Prayer is one of the most powerful tools available to us. Pray and ask others to pray for you and with you.
If you find yourself unsure how to help another suffering from PPD (especially if it's your spouse), try starting with:
Encouragement — Ask what are the best ways you can help?
Encourage them to seek a medical elevation.
Pray and remind them there is hope for each new day.
All new families have to start somewhere. Start with what you know, and continue to grow together in your marriage and in your lives! Remember God will never leave alone on your parenthood journey. "He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young" (Isaiah 40:11, ESV).
Excerpts used with permission from Rebecca
Dawson's new book titled,
Help!
I'm a Mom To Be!, Blue Room Publications and Production,
LLC.
Rebecca Dawson is a
Master Level therapist, former adjunct Graduate Professor for the Grace
College Counseling Department, and the mother of three wonderful little
boys. Her heart's desire is to make the Christian message
understandable and accessible to all, especially her young boys.
Help! I'm a Mom To Be! is designed to
pick up where childbirth classes left off; to thoroughly prepare moms
(and dads) for the changes that will be occurring in their family, their
marriage, their friendships, their careers, and most importantly within
themselves.
Help! I'm a Mom To
Be! is a one-of-a-kind manuscript created to identify,
tackle, and address present day pregnancy issues within the Christian
world. Broken down into nine chapters to travel alongside the
expecting parents, it offers each parent the opportunity for their own
personal-reflection, scriptures to study, prayers to ponder, and true
stories to read that will guide their nine months of preparation for
parenthood. A tenth chapter was created after Rebecca and her husband
experienced a miscarriage and felt that God would also use those broken
pieces.This book also exposes taboos associated with Postpartum
Depression in the Christian realm, and the appearance that Christian
women have it all together. Get your copy from Blue Room
Publications at www.blueroompublications.com
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