I'm a list-maker, a go-getter, a type A, a Martha, a busybody. Call me what you will. So much to do, so little time.
Sure, sex is on my to-do list. Somewhere, I think. It's just not close enough to the top to make it into my day most of the time.
If we're honest with ourselves, we'll admit we can always make time for the things we really want to do. It's all about choices. What do I choose to do with the 24 hours I'm given each day?
Picture this: On my desk I have two piles. One is a stack of bills to pay and papers to file. The other "pile" has just one item in it — the latest Christian chick-lit novel by my favorite author.
I have one hour available. If I pick up the book and say, "I just don't have time to pay the bills today," am I being truthful?
And when I say, "I'd love to have sex more often, but I'm just too busy," am I being truthful? Making time for sex doesn't depend so much on my schedule and circumstances as it does on my attitude.
Now, of course you don't have the time (especially if you have kids), and you probably won't find the time to do it either. You have to make time for sex.
What things are robbing you of time that could be spent with your husband? Television? Novels and magazines? Your cell phone? The computer? Your writing career? (Ahem.) When these choices interfere with intimacy with our spouse, we're being selfish and foolish, plain and simple.
I have come to realize something amazing. So amazing, in fact, that there's not a chance you'll believe me until you try it. Sex takes time, yes, but when I'm having it regularly, I actually get more done. Life runs more smoothly. I have a calming sense of peace and happiness. Honestly and truly — I am not making this up.
That's not an accident. It's the way God works.
It's like the object lesson with the Mason jar, the golf balls and the gravel. If I put the gravel in first, the golf balls won't fit. But if I put the golf balls in the jar first, then the gravel fits nicely all around it. Same with sex. When I make time to make love like God commands me to do, He'll take care of all the other stuff. He really will. I just have to trust Him enough to put everything aside and have sex.
The bottom line is, we can always make time for the things (and people) that are most important to us. Make it your goal to show your husband you love him by giving him nice-sized chunks of your valuable time.
Coming into Your Own — God's Way
We're starting to understand what we need to do. But it's much easier said than done. Changing our attitudes is not a simple, clear-cut process. In fact, it can get downright messy.
But God promises that when we seek Him first, everything else will be given to us as well. When we pray, "Change my heart — don't worry about him," everything else will fall into place.
Instead of asking, "What will bring me happiness and fulfillment?" ask, "How can I satisfy and complete my husband?"
Instead of looking at sex through the lens of our own perceptions, let's try to look at sex through our husbands' eyes.
And even beyond that, we need to look at sex from God's perspective. Instead of demanding our own way, saying, "I deserve to be loved the way I want to be loved," realize that sex is a gift. One that we sinful humans don't deserve to receive from a holy God.
At this point we could ask, "Who's going to look out for me if I don't? I don't want to lose my identity by constantly serving someone else. I am my own person, after all."
Well, Paul seems to think that we can't truly come into our own until we die to ourselves and find our identity somewhere else — namely in Christ. Galatians 2 makes this crystal-clear.
It's inexplicable, but who we are becomes even more individual, real, and beautiful when we deny our own desires and serve others. The world has it backward — putting someone else's needs before your own means you're strong, not weak.
We can't do this on our own, however. As Paul says in Romans 7, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." You'll hear me chanting this refrain throughout the pages of this book. We desperately need God's help.
Surrender to Him and let His Spirit work in your heart. Ask Him to give you the strength, energy, determination, and desire to begin meeting your husband's physical needs more often and more willingly.
Sometimes our feelings will get hurt, and our sex drive will shut down. We won't want sex until everything is right. When things aren't perfect, though, we desperately need God yet again. He promises He'll be there to help us.
If you're anything like me, there have been plenty of times when you prayed halfheartedly for something, not believing that God would actually come through for you or even bother listening to your prayer.
We're told in James chapter 1 that we will face trials. But if we ask in faith — if we believe and not doubt — God will give us wisdom generously. (I'm sure the trials James speaks of include those of marriage.) But when we ask for something and don't really believe God can accomplish it, we're like "a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."
Praying for a renewed sexual relationship with your husband will always be in line with God's wisdom and His perfect will for your life. And when you pray in complete faith, He promises to answer, as Jesus indicates in Matthew 21.
Ask your God for a complete sexual relationship makeover. He will give you sexual desire even when it seems like an impossible request. But you have to ask. And believe with all your heart — even if you can't see or understand how it will all play out — that the results will be amazing.
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Taken from Is That All He Thinks About?: How to Enjoy Great Sex with Your Husband by Marla Taviano. Published by Harvest House Copyright © 2007 Marla Taviano. All rights reserved. Used by permission
