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Love As A Verb
By Jill Savage
My friend and I sat across the table chatting over lunch.
With February being the "month of love" we began to discuss our plans
(or lack of plans at that point) for Valentine's Day weekend.
Eventually we moved into sharing some marriage lessons we've learned
throughout our combined 45 years of marriage.
Without thinking much of it I shared that I've
learned that love has to mature for a marriage to go the
distance. And then I followed that with, "I guess love has to
move from being a noun to being a verb."
We both
paused and considered the implications of what I had spoken.
My friend said it was one of the most profound things I've ever
said. While I'm quite sure it's most likely the only profound
thing I've ever said, I've definitely not been able to get the concept
out of my head.
Immature love is a noun. A thing we
long for. A feeling. An expectation of what someone will do for us.
Mature love is verb. An action we take. A
decision. A choice to do something for someone
else.
Unfortunately too many of us have yet to
mature in our love and our relationships bear the scars of that fact.
But it's never too late to grow up. And if we want our love
to last a lifetime, we can't afford to keep believing that love is a
noun. The feeling of love is short-lived. We have
to transition to understand that long-lasting love is really a
verb.
But what does this English lesson of nouns and
verbs have to do with real relationships? How do we take this concept
and apply it to real life? Maybe these scenarios can help paint the
picture.
Love as a noun spent all last week
wondering what your spouse was going to do for you for Valentine's Day.
Love as a verb spent all last week preparing your expression of love
for your spouse.
Love as a noun feels despair when
you no longer feel "in love" with the person you are married to. Love
as a verb understands the ebb and flow of feelings. It
focuses more on expressing love than feeling
love.
Love as a noun demands its own way.
Love as a verb works to understand differences and is open to new ways
of doing things.
Love as a noun finds faults in
others. Love as a verb gives grace and
forgiveness.
Love as a noun expects others to serve
them. Love as a verb serves freely.
Love as a noun
expects to always feel warm and fuzzy and "in love." Love as
a verb realizes that often we have to choose to love even when we don't
feel like it.
The most frequently quoted Bible
verse at weddings is I Corinthians 13, which is often referred to as
the "love chapter." It says that "Love is patient, love is
kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not
rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. Love never fails."
It wasn't
until just a few weeks ago that I realized that every time love is
mentioned in this often quoted verse, it is a verb. Maybe
this concept has been right in front of my eyes all along, but I just
didn't understand it until recently.
The most
interesting thing, however, is a less often quoted part of the verse
that says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a
child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish
ways behind me."
So love has to grow up.
It has to mature. Who knew grammar could reveal so much about
love?
Copyright
© 2009 by Jill Savage. Jill (www.jillsavage.org) is the founder and
Executive Director of Hearts at Home (www.hearts-at-home.org), an
organization designed to encourage, educate, and equip women in the
profession of motherhood. Jill and her husband Mark have 5
children and make their home in Normal, Illinois.
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