Becoming a Godly Lover
While women like intimacy to be nurtured throughout the day with small signs of affection and close connections in conversation and partnership, we men don't depend so much on the accumulation of affection. We just see our wives looking good, and we are ready to go! We sometimes seem little different than beasts! "I see, I like, I want, and that's that!" However, actually stating this or acting like this is the surest way I know of to turn off my wife to the thought of being intimate with me.
For that reason, sexual boundaries or courtesies are indispensable. You may know these, but let's explore why they are important.
1. Never demand or try to force your wife to do something sexually she's uncomfortable with. Don't ask her to do any- thing that makes her feel guilty, dirty, or like she's just an object rather than a person.
2. Don't allow anything unnatural into the intimate area of your lives. I know of situations where men have wanted to bring pornography into the bedroom to help "liven things up." If I tried something like that my wife would kick me where it hurts and lock me out of the bedroom permanently. And she would be completely justified in doing it! Don't bring sinful exploitations into your life. Don't bring them into your personal thought life (or beyond), and do not bring them into your marriage.
3. Show your wife considerate, loving actions along with tender expressions of your love for her. I have learned that this is the best way to assure that my wife will desire to be with me intimately. It starts early in the morning by getting her favorite kind of coffee. I continue to show her my love throughout the day by doing little things here and there. As we move toward the evening, we are connected and there is a foundation of loving intimacy. You'll discover that you will enjoy this fostering of intimacy as well.
4. If you want romance be romantic, don't be beastly. Make sure that before you approach your wife, you are groomed...showered, shaved, teeth brushed, and so on. Now, there will be times when none of that matters and you'll both just be hungry for one another, even after a weekend of camping or a long day of working in the yard. But as a general rule, don't be a beast, be a prince— and you'll find that your wife will be more than willing to share herself with you freely and abundantly.
5. Keep your sex life private. I know guys who, for whatever reason, like to describe their sexual exploits in detail. I don't know that there could be anything more humiliating to a wife than to find out that her husband is talking publicly about their private lives. Respect your wife in this area. Guard her privacy. This will increase her security in your love and give her more freedom to enjoy that part of your lives. Also know that when guys do a lot of bragging or talking about this area, most other men find it uncomfortable, inappropriate, and insensitive.
When the Lord said, "The two shall become one," he was referring to a union far deeper than simply the physical one. As much as God has given the sexual relationship to us for our physical enjoyment, it is also intended to be an emotional and spiritual connection. In this place and time of intimacy, your emotional needs are met in ways that I don't even fully understand. I do know that this is one area that I share with no one but Cheryl; that alone makes it very special and precious.
Adapted from
Growing Together as a Couple, by Brian and Cheryl Brodersen
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