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Helping Your Spouse Feel Safe
By Patrick Morley
God
gave you your spouse to be your first responsibility. After your relationship
with Him, the most important thing is to help your spouse become all God wants
him or her to be.
After
God, but before all others, make your spouse your top priority.
For
Him
- Show
appreciation for the things he does. Everyone needs encouragement. Your husband
has a lot of pressures and demands on his time and attention. Let him know how
much you appreciate his earning an income, fathering your children, and being
your husband.
- Help
him find opportunities for success with you, the children, and others. Set him
up to succeed, not to fail. Small choices with positive results lead to more
good choices and more positive results. Encourage him to take a short walk with
you, to say a prayer with the kids before bed, or to talk over the sermon with
the family at Sunday lunch.
- Clearly
communicate your needs. Most husbands want to do a good job. But a husband
can’t read his wife’s mind. Tell him how to serve you so he can succeed.
- Minimize
criticism that belittles or degrades. Nagging gets you nowhere in the long run.
If your husband is not living strong, it’s probably because he’s insecure and
unsure of what to do. Belittling and criticizing only digs the hole deeper.
Implement
one of these ideas today and see how God uses it in your relationship. You’re
right. Again, that’s pretty much what the rest of the book is about, but here
are a few ideas to help you provide intimacy to your wife.
For
Her
- Stay
connected with her emotionally. Your wife wants you to understand how she
feels, and she wants to know what is going on in your heart and mind as well.
Take a moment today and talk with her about one substantive thing going on in
your life.
- Avoid
criticism that threatens her sense of f self. Your wife faces a lot of pressure
from our culture, her relationships, and her own self-image. She needs to know
that you love her for who she is in spite of what she does or doesn’t do. Tell
her today that you love her no matter what.
- Talk
to her and pray with her. Communication is a key to creating intimacy with your
wife. Make time every day to have meaningful interaction. Ask questions about
her day. Say The Marriage Prayer with her before you go to bed tonight. Look
her in the eyes, ask how she’s doing, and really listen to her answer.
The
Emotional Bank Account
Every
human being has what we might call an emotional bank account. Every interaction
with your spouse is either a deposit or a withdrawal. One way to help your
spouse have security in your relationship is to make more deposits than
withdrawals.
Every
human being banks somewhere. Each person has emotional needs, and they attempt
to have them met. If you don’t fill these needs for your spouse, chances are
that somebody else will. So be sure to memorize your spouse’s account number.
(And if you’ve forgotten it, ask your spouse—they’ll be more than happy to
remind you.)
Finding
and providing security in your marriage relationship becomes a solid foundation for
everything God wants to do in and through you individually and as a couple.
Adapted from
The Marriage Prayer. Copyright © 2008 Patrick Morley and David Delk. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Published by Moody Publishers.
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