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Help! I'm Living with an Alien!
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By Dr. David Clarke
Level of Sensitivity
The man you dated and fell in love with was understanding, sensitive, and mature. You were certain you'd landed the next Prince Charming. Now, you're beginning to realize you ended up with Goofy. His behavior is often crude, offensive, and adolescent. You'd call him an animal, but you don't want to insult animals. Husband, your wife is increasingly disgusted with your behavior. You believe you're perfectly normal and that her standards are too high. You didn't realize you married royalty.
She prides herself on being a refined and elegant person with excellent tastes, who values socially appropriate behavior. She used to find your antics funny and endearing. Now, she looks down her nose at you. It's no fun being married to Miss Manners.
Entertainment Choices
Before you married her, and for the first few years of your marriage, the two of you seemed to enjoy the same television shows and movies. You'd watch together, and it was a lot of fun. Now, she will watch only serious dramas and romantic comedies. She loves a lot of talking, a lot of crying, a main character taking forever to die, and long, drawn-out romances.
At the end of every chick flick you endure, your wife will be crying. You'll be crying too, but for different reasons. You're upset because you've wasted precious hours of your life watching this piece of sappy drivel, and now you'll have to listen to her drone on and on about the movie and what it means about her, about every woman she's ever known, and about your relationship.
You really thought your man liked your type of entertainment. Why, he watched dramas and romantic comedies with you and seemed to enjoy them! You were sure he was different from all the other guys. But that was before marriage. Before the alien showed up. Later in the marriage, it dawned on you that he had been humoring you so you'd marry him.
Sex
You were both absolutely certain that sex would not be a problem in your marriage. You were very attracted to each other and your physical relationship during courtship was exciting, beautiful, and natural. But as with every other area of your relationship, after the wedding tremendous differences surfaced in your lovemaking. The woman remembers everything . . . except the last time she had sex with her husband. The man remembers nothing. . . except the last time he had sex with his wife. One spouse-usually the husband, but not always-desires sex a lot more than the other spouse The woman needs to be prepared for sex with communication, teamwork with the chores and kids, and romance.The man needs only an erection to be prepared for sex.
The problem is, he thinks his erection is all the woman needs to be ready too.
Welcome to the Club
Well, join the "No More Passion Club." It's a big one. A very big one. Believe me, you're not alone. The loss of passion in marriage is universal. Sooner or later, it happens to every married couple. It might be two years, seven years, ten years, or fourteen years after the wedding. But the loss of passion will get you.
Copyright © 2009 by Dr. David Clarke, Used with Permission, Published by Revell. Adapted from
Kiss Me Like You Mean It
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