The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex
By Sheila Wray Gregoire
Health problems, relationship issues, and stress can all hinder a man's ability to perform sexually. And when things start to go wrong in the bedroom, men often panic even worse than women do, because their self-esteem is so closely related to their sexual prowess. Panic, though, almost always makes things worse. So when things aren't working, here are some specific strategies to relax and rebuild your physical lives.
Erectile Dysfunction (Impotence)
When true ED strikes, without obvious physical roots, it can certainly take its toll on a relationship. If a physical cause can't be identified, the problem is usually a psychological or emotional one. Whether the culprit is challenges at work or worries about the relationship, the cause of ED is often directly related to a man's insecurity about his masculinity.
Am I able to provide for the family? Does she really respect me? Does she still want to be here?
If the problem keeps recurring for several months and your husband has seen a doctor to rule out physical causes and you've worked on your friendship, your husband may benefit from talking to a counselor or an older mentor to deal with whatever insecurities he feels.
Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is when a man ejaculates before the woman can enjoy sex. Personally, I hate the term: it's labeling the man with a problem because the woman's response time is later. It's really a couple's problem, where he reaches orgasm before she is anywhere near. By the term currently used, though, a guy who reaches orgasm after twelve minutes, if his wife takes closer to twenty, is suffering from this condition too!
If sex continues to be over too quickly for you to enjoy it, don't start actual intercourse until you're already highly aroused. Spend a ton of time relaxing together and in foreplay, so that by the time he enters you, you're almost ready to go.
He's Never in the Mood!
On my blog, I write predominantly about marriage and sex, and because of that, women who face problems in the bedroom often email me. And the most common complaint? "My husband doesn't want to have sex." A typical email says something like, “I am so sick of hearing women complain about how their husbands want it all the time. I just want my husband to want it some of the time!”
One forty-two-year-old woman, married for eighteen years, explains the rejection she feels this way:
Because my husband does not want me sexually, I have a hard time believing him when he tells me how much he loves me. We have a friendship, a life together, but without sex and affection it feels like we are roommates more than anything else. I often feel very alone in this, because so many women talk about how their husbands want sex more than they do. I'll just say that not being wanted feels awful.
Another twenty-three-year-old woman, married just a few months, echoed her thoughts:
I expected my husband's drive to be stronger than mine, so when mine turned out to be stronger, I felt extremely unwanted. It has impacted the beginning of our marriage in a terrible way.
If you're experiencing something similar, you are not alone. Many women who endure their husbands' low sex drives, though, are often greeted with jeers from their friends? — "I wish my husband would give me a break some-times!" That doesn't help. You feel like a freak. Why does everyone else's husband want sex, and yours doesn't?
Taken from
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire.
Copyright © 2012. Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com
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