Putting Appreciation to Work
By Paul White
It was common for our parents and grandparents to marry once, put down roots, and follow one or two jobs until retirement, but Americans in the new millennium seem to be taking a revolving-door approach to commitments: just in case it doesn’t work out, the door is left open.
The turnover rates are confirmed by statistics as half of marriage commitments end in divorce, one third of volunteers do not return after their first year of service, and Americans hop from job to job with an average of 11 different occupations by the time they are 44 years old. While some of these commitments (such as marriage) reflect moral bearings and others freedom of choice, they all point to a common thread of dissatisfaction.
The research is evident, but what are the underlying causes of this widespread discontentment driving people away from their commitments? Why are pastors, professionals, and ministry volunteers experiencing burn-out? And what can we do differently to prevent this?
In his bestselling book,
The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman proposed that the reason many marriages suffer is because husbands and wives do not understand each other’s language of personal communication. Once they identified and understood their “love language,” many couples have found renewed communication and intimacy in their marriage. Dr. Chapman’s observations were apparently accurate, as over 6 million copies (in English) were sold.
But in the workplace, languages of communication take a different form. In my experience of over 20 years in business consulting, one of the top reasons I have observed contributing to the “revolving door syndrome” is the lack of effectively communicated appreciation. In fact, according to the US Department of Labor, 64% of Americans who leave their jobs state lack of appreciation as the reason for stepping down. Just as love is the foundation of a strong marriage, effectively communicated appreciation is the bedrock of a great organization in work and ministry contexts.
While the languages of personal communication share similarities in the home and the workplace, their application and expression is dramatically different in personal and professional relationships. And to ensure that the message is not lost in translation, it is essential to understand the distinctions between different languages in their different contexts.
Hierarchy of Positions
A relationship between a supervisor and assistant, employer and employee, or two team members at different responsibility levels clearly has different relational dynamics than a relationship between spouses, family members, or friends. This hierarchy of positions introduces a power dynamic in work-based relationships, changing the whole context in which communication occurs.
Expectations and Boundaries
Work-based relationships are typically more formal than personal relationships, and the social boundaries of appropriate topics of discussion, styles of communication, social settings and physical proximity are more narrowly defined than in relationships with family and friends.
Appropriate Physical Touch
For the reasons stated above, physical touch is less important and plays a dramatically different role in the workplace than in personal relationships. Physical touch is the lowest language of appreciation for most people in the workplace, since there are clear boundaries in the work environment and for some employees even appropriate touch is not a desired mode of communication. But spontaneous, celebratory displays (high five’s, fist bumps, a pat on the back) are quite common between coworkers and are an important part of positive work-based relationships.
Quality Time
While quality time in personal relationships is primarily expressed through focused attention, quality time that expresses appreciation in the workplace can take on different forms. Within a professional context, this may include hanging out together as colleagues, working on tasks together collegially, or shared experiences that deepen team relationships.
Paul White is the co-author of
5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
Copyright © 2011 by Paul White, Ph.D., used with permission.
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