What Every Facebooking Couple Should NOT DO to
Protect Their Marriage!
(DON’T)
Write cutting remarks or negative
statements about your spouse. Even though Facebook asks,
"What’s on your
mind," it doesn’t mean everyone really wants to know the
answer to that question. If in doubt, think about how your
comments will be read by others (think about your mother-in-law, your
boss, your pastor) before pushing the Share/Comment
button.
(DON’T)
Friend exes, old flames, past flings, former crushes or
anyone you’ve been intimate with in the past. What starts
as an innocent,
"I wonder
whatever happened to so-and-so" can lead to
"I never meant for this to
happen." Friending exes’ invites an unnecessary threat
into your married life that can cause any or all of the following:
anxiety and insecurity for your spouse, friction and isolation in your
marriage, and unrealistic and senseless ideas in your head.
If staying FB Friends is a bad idea for a broken up (dating)
couple, then it’s a really, really bad idea for married
couples.
(DON’T)
Lose track of how much time you spend on
Facebook. Everyone needs a little down time to unwind each
day. Facebook can be a great way to wind down (e.g. connect
with FB Friends, play games, find Groups and Fan Pages, etc). On
average, users spend 12-15 minutes a day on Facebook. That seems like a
healthy dose of daily Facebook intake. If time on the online social
community infringes on your real-time marriage relationship, make
changes to reprioritize your time. Set a timer for 15 minutes
and then log off Facebook and turn off the
computer.
(DON’T)
Report that you or your spouse is out of town.
This is more security than anything else. Say your husband is
on a business trip and you post an update that he is out of town. What
you think is a harmless Status Update is an announcement to the bad
guys that your home, possessions and family are vulnerable and a prime
target for bad things to happen. Do you really know all of
your FB Friends? How about their Friends? A FB
Friend’s comment to your Status Update can unknowingly broadcast your
"my husband is
gone" news to a bunch of people you really don’t
know.
(DON’T)
Have private Chat sessions with people of the opposite
sex. Chats are a private, real time message exchange
between two people. Once a person logs off, Chat sessions are
erased forever. Emotional affairs have three main
ingredients: secrecy, chemistry and intimacy. Chatting
provides a perfect environment for the three ingredients to mix
together and create a situation that supposedly "just
happened". Avoid the drama and turn off the Chat feature
altogether.
(DON’T)
Let Facebook be a distraction during your time with your
mate. Not only can writing a Status Update steal time from
your couple time, but reading someone’s bad news can steal your mind
from your special time together. Make date nights, special
moments, and times of intimacy Facebook-free. No laptops, no
computers, no smart phones when it is time for you and your
spouse.
Copyright
K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky, used with permission.
K.
Jason and Kelli Krafsky have been married since 1994 and have
co-authored
Facebook and Your
Marriage (their first book together due out in February
2010). Jason also authored
Before “I Do” – Preparing for the Full Marriage
Experience, an interactive premarital book for engaged and
seriously dating couples. Jason and Kelli live in the
foothills of Washington’s Cascade Mountains with their four children.
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