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Dating? Intimacy? How Much Is Too Much?
By Tanisha L. Roebuck
Tim and Janice have been dating for almost a year now and the relationship couldn't have been a better blessing from God, in having each other. Both Tim and Janice have experienced failed relationships with non-Christians and want this relationship to be right. The love that they have for God has been so attractive to one another. They pray together, they also witness together and share so much in common. It was a month before they even kissed. It is like no other relationship they had ever experienced before because both of them have God first and foremost. However as they got to know one another, kissing led to hugging, then hugging was followed by being sexually aroused until eventually they ended up falling into bed and committing fornication. Now all of the things that drew them together are now jeopardized by their insecurities, lack of trust and fleshly desires for one another.
This story happens ever day where people go too far and fail to let God grow the relationship in His time. Dr. Suzan D. Johnson Cook's states it best in her book, A New Dating Attitude, "Dating is both getting to know a person with a view that the person might be the spouse God intended for you, and letting yourself be revealed enough so that that person can be confident that God has intended you for him."
Intimacy while dating is a very tempting situation. It's like playing chess with the evil one. While most people in today's society would quickly say that kissing is harmless, if we are honest with ourselves, we know that kissing leads to other things that tempt us into sexual immorality. I turn you to Ephesians 6:12, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
It is only human nature to feel sexually attracted to another person that we connect with on some level. However, becoming that intimate with someone not only grieves the Lord, but it also creates soul ties or oneness with the other person. While sparks may fly and you feel all tingling inside, what was once a divine connection you experienced, you also stand to lose so much because you still have a lot to learn from one another, but now you've allowed Satan to enter the camp.
As Christians we must understand, that God's plan is to bless us by giving us the desires of our heart. However blessings do not come through disobedience to his word and the evil one knows this, that's why he tries so hard to trip us up. When Tim and Janice started their relationship it was all to the glory of God and they were doing good works in the Kingdom by sharing His word with others. That's what God desires from us. It's also important to remember what Paul wrote in Romans 7:21, "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me". Somewhere along the way, if we are not mindful, the flesh takes control. The evil one's sole mission is to conquer and divide believers. These two people who love God and are looking to unite for the purpose of furthering the work in His kingdom are targets for the evil one. Although God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins, Tim and Janice must work backwards to set boundaries and keep His commandments.
With Christian dating, here are some tips to refrain from taking intimacy too far:
- Discuss and maintain boundaries founded on God's word;
- Avoid spending time alone in intimate settings during the dating process;
- Make sure that God remains the number one focus by praying and sharing scriptures daily with each other and with others;
- When you find that your curiosity is getting the best of you, remember that you can curse your blessing and destroy something that could be absolutely beautiful with God as the head of your lives; and
- With God, ALL things are possible!
Copyright © 2005 Tanisha L. Roebuck, Used with permission
Ms. Tanisha L. Roebuck is an attorney, business management consultant and motivational speaker. She is also the CEO and founder of the recently launched R&A Christian Outreach, Inc., a Christian non-profit entertainment production company. Ms. Roebuck loves the Lord and seeks to share her experiences in efforts to help others.
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