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A Conversation With Sheila Walsh
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By Jim & Sheri Mueller
An interview with author, vocalist and talk-show host, Sheila Walsh.
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Do you think it's possible to help people forgive themselves? Have you helped Barry work through that?
That's a very good question. It's funny. I think as long as I was angry
and not very gracious, I don't think Barry had to deal as much with how
he felt himself because he was trying to deal with how I was feeling.
And suddenly when by God's grace I was able to forgive, Barry was
genuinely repentant. His heart was broken. It seemed I made it hard for
him to walk through that himself.
One of the most humiliating things about grace is that you have to come
naked and empty-handed. We want to think,
Well, I fixed a little bit
of it myself. But really grace says, You know what? There's nothing you
can fix. Just come as you are.
When Christian was a little boy, I remember him covered in chocolate
cake as I was about to walk on stage one night. I had on a white suit
and I suddenly hear this little voice saying,
Mom! And I did what any
mom would do. I turned around and gave him a big hug and went on stage
with chocolate on my suit and in my hair.
But I wanted Christian to know, You don't tidy yourself up to come to
me. You come as you are because I wanted him to understand that's how
we come to God. You let God fix you. You just come as you are.
Do you think that trusting God and letting go is particularly harder for women?
No, I think it's harder for men. I think it's harder for men because
there is something about the relationship between a woman and a savior,
a shepherd and a strong father who invites us to lean on Him, who
invites us to fall apart, to cry out our tears.
Trusting God is not such a huge leap for a woman. There is something in
a woman that we want to lean on a father figure or a strong husband
figure.
Obviously I'm speaking from a woman's perspective; my understanding is
very limited. But I think it can be hard for a man to feel helpless and
I think that's how Barry felt in many ways. He felt helpless. And to
have to throw yourself on God and admit that you feel helpless that
there is nothing you can do and that God would be the one who can
deliver both of you — I think that's a very humbling thing.
The phrase "I will deliver you" was a strong message you received from God...
Yes. One Sunday morning in the midst of all the mess and long before
I'd come to the place of being able to let go, I got up one morning to
go to church and I looked at my face in the mirror and I looked awful.
I was so tired. I wasn't sleeping. And even as I looked at my face, I
heard in my spirit-not an audible voice — "I will deliver you.
I almost took a step back and I was like, Lord, what do you mean.
This
is such a mess. "I will deliver you." Well, how are you going to
deliver us? I mean what's gonna happen about this and about that?
The more I added my own perspective to what God was saying, the more
ridiculous it seemed. I came to understand at some level that he would
deliver because of who He is. So I kind of tucked that down in my
pocket. I was still pretty broken, went to church, and our pastor that
morning spoke from Paul's letter to the Church in Philippi where he
said, "I'm in prison and it looks as if this is a terrible thing but
ultimately this is going to work out for good because God will deliver
me."
From that point on I began to hear these messages that God would
deliver, but for God to be able to deliver, I had to take my hands off.
That was scary for me. Sometimes I would say to God,
But, look, I'm
holding this thing together here. Don't you see that? If I let go it'll
all fall apart. And there was almost an invitation, "You know what? Let
that happen. Then let it all fall apart and see what I can do."
I still take refuge at times when I'm afraid and trying to be in
control. My father's death was a very traumatic thing when I was a
child. I learned that when a situation gets very dark or very bleak, to
move back from other people and become very self-protective. I get my
head down and I think,
I can do this. I can do this. I have to take the
next step and the next step. And God said to me, "No. I want you to
have your head up and I want you to have your arms open and I want you
to let go and I want you to see that I will deliver you."
Copyright © 2009 by Growthtrac.
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