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I Don't Want a Divorce
By Dr. David Clarke
Your marriage is like a house that has been torn down. Without meaning to, you have torn it down yourselves, since you are the marriage. The rebuilding process must begin with a solid foundation. Your new foundation contains three pillars supporting it.
God
You need to begin now-right now-improving and strengthening your relationship with God. The words that John the Baptist said of Jesus must become your words: "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30). Chances are very good that your spiritual life has been weakened by your marriage problems. Marital conflict weakens every area of your life. So if you're not spiritually strong right now, you're normal.
But you need to get back in the spiritual saddle with God. Your success in this program depends, to a large degree, on your spirituality (i.e., how close each of you is to the Lord, and how close you are to him as a couple; this is accomplished by spiritual disciplines that I will describe later in the book).
Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Psalm 127:1I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5Pretty clear, isn't it? Any endeavor attempted on your own will fail. Any endeavor attempted with God, that honors him, will succeed.
Now, before you panic, let me assure you that you don't need to be some spiritual giant any time soon. God knows that you're hurting and that growing spiritually may be hard for you. The words of Jesus describe the awesome power of a tiny amount of faith:
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20A mustard seed is incredibly small! All God asks is that you try to move toward him. Make the effort. Take some action steps. He will do the rest.
What God Will Do for You:
• With his help, you can create deep, lasting change in yourself and in your marriage.
• With his help, you can think positively about your spouse.
• With his help, you will have the strength to get through my tough twelve-week program.
• With his help, you will fall in love again.
• With his help, you and your spouse will win the spiritual battle for your marriage.
It's Three against Satan
Don't think for a second that Satan is not actively and aggressively attacking your marriage. He hates God. He hates you. If you have kids, he hates them. He hates your marriage and will do anything to destroy it. His name means adversary. You certainly do your part to damage the relationship, but Satan is also blazing away with everything he has in his arsenal.
You are in a vicious, intense spiritual battle for your marriage. Satan wants you to get divorced. Or, failing that, he'll settle for you having a miserable marriage. God wants you to stay married and enjoy a terrific, as-long-as-you-live love story.
If you expect to win this battle, you each must work to grow closer to God. If it's only you and your spouse against Satan, you'll lose. If it's you and your spouse and God against Satan, you'll win. And you'll win big. "The one who is in you [the Holy Spirit] is greater than the one who is in the world [Satan]" (1 John 4:4).
A Daily Time with God
Spend time with God every day. Just you and God in a quiet place. This could be early in the morning, before you go to bed, or on your lunch break. Talk with him. Thank him for all he has done for you. Praise and adore him for who he is. Tell him the honest truth about your personal and marital pain. Make specific requests. Ask him for help in applying this book's steps, and ask him to help your spouse apply the steps.
Read the Bible and meditate on it. Be quiet and listen to what God is saying to you through his Word and the Holy Spirit. God's Word has the power to change you and keep you changed.
Adapted from
I Don't Want a Divorce, by Dr. David Clarke
Copyright © 2009 by Dr. David Clarke. Published by Revell. Used with permission.
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