We mentor engaged couples — pre-marriage mentoring — and of course most of those couples go forward with pretty idealistic expectations.
Marriage often turns out to be a little harder than they thought.
No one marches down the aisle thinking they won't make it. Marriage is one relationship that is meant to endure a lifetime, till death do us part.
I think that's part of it — this longevity of marriage — marriage is the one relationship that takes a lot of my energy — and of course I receive the most joy from it — to be able to really love the man I'm with and be the kind of person I need to be for him and for us.
What kinds of things drive women crazy?
This is a test question. Does the toilet paper go over or under when it's on the roll?
Easy. It goes over.
Good for you. Now, either your wife has trained you to say that or you're a really good man. Men are inherently different than women. They communicate differently. Communication style can be such a huge problem in marriage. There are millions of everyday irritations that can get in the way of a marriage. It can cause women to feel like they're going crazy and conversely, I think for men too.
Easy. It goes over.
Good for you. Now, either your wife has trained you to say that or you're a really good man. Men are inherently different than women. They communicate differently. Communication style can be such a huge problem in marriage. There are millions of everyday irritations that can get in the way of a marriage. It can cause women to feel like they're going crazy and conversely, I think for men too.
How can couples get past those irritants?
One of the things I've done in my marriage is make sure I have girlfriends around me to meet and pray with and encourage me to love my husband the way I need to love him.
Women need girlfriends to talk things out. They need encouragement and they need to remember that men and women are very different — there are certain things that are inherently male and certain things inherently female. We need to realize that those things probably aren't going away and we need to be a lot more grace-filled when we're dealing with them.
What would you say about the spiritual component in marriage?
The spiritual component is primary. A recent Baylor University survey revealed that 99% of couples that pray together end up staying together. Prayer is one of the things that can seal that until-death-do-us-part union.
Copyright © 2009 by Jim Mueller, President and co-founder of Growthtrac Ministries.
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