Do all you
can to resolve "body image" problems. You know the drill:
a husband pays his wife a compliment ("You're beautiful") and she
doesn't believe him. That might seem like a modest response on her
part, but it actually could be a hindrance to their physical intimacy
over time. Each spouse needs to bring a healthy self-image into the
bedroom, or your sex lives will suffer.
Get to know your own body.
This might sound a bit obvious, but it's important for this reason: the
vast majority of us did not receive positive, value-centered sex
education from our parents. As a result, what little we actually do
know about our bodies we learned in high school biology class.
Understanding how your body works and what uniquely influences your sex
drive will definitely improve the quality of the physical intimacy you
share with your spouse.
Allow for "Couple Time"
regularly. This may sound pretty basic, but one of the
best ways to get "in the mood" for physical intimacy is to simply spend
time with your spouse. This isn't always easy with the demands of
modern life -- work, kids, church obligations and the like can
really pack a family's schedule. But Mom and Dad need some regularly
scheduled "alone time" for just you two -- so make that a priority!
Conserve
energy. And this does not refer to using less electricity
in the home! Sexual desire is a manifestation of our sex drive, so if
that energy is being spent on building a new business, engaging in
sports or any other worthwhile, but time and energy-consuming,
activity, your sex life may suffer as a result. Save your
strength -- your spouse will thank you for it!
Clear out
distractions. This is another "basic" requirement to be
sure, but the breathless pace of modern life doesn't always make this
an easy principle to follow! Very few of us can "multi-task" all that
well, and the more you "have on your mind," the less interested you'll
be in physical intimacy with your spouse. Ruthlessly eliminate stress
and distractions in your home, and your sex life has a much better
chance of improving.
Assume responsibility. When
a couple is experiencing sexual dysfunction in their relationship, it's
too easy for one spouse to blame the other for the problems. Not only
is that unfair, it also demonstrates a lack of responsibility. Each
spouse must assume responsibility for his or her own body and related
sexual issues. It's the only way for a couple to truly come together as
one, building the kind of physical intimacy into their marriage that
they each desire.
Have fun! If you've
never heard or read this anywhere else, read it here -- sex
was created by God for the enjoyment of a man and woman in marriage.
It's supposed to be fun -- so enjoy it!
Those are just a few suggestions on how
to work at improving the quality of physical intimacy in your marriage.
You may need to go a step further and seek professional help if
needed -- and, if you do need help, I hope you will. A good
place to start is with the website of Clifford and Joyce Penner and
Associates: www.passionatecommitment.com. So get to work --
and have fun!
Copyright © 2006 Jim Burns, Used with permission.
Read more from Jim at homeword.com
In
response to the overwhelming needs of parents and families, Jim Burns
founded HomeWord (formerly
YouthBuilders) in 1985. HomeWord is a Christian organization designed
to provide assistance to adults worldwide as they help young people
make wise decisions and lead positive, vibrant, Christian lifestyles.
Multiplication and Leverage: While absolutely
committed to young people, HomeWord equips parents, grandparents and
youth leaders; those who daily reach out to kids. By equipping adults,
and leveraging those adults to reach kids, HomeWord reaches more young
people more cost effectively.
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